Hate Being Me....

Just another day of being me. Broken....... Why the **** cant i be the happy mom. Why cant i  just have a reason to be here. I sit and watch as everyone i grew up with have their babies. Everybody i work with have babies. I want more than anything else in this world. Just to be a mom. And because im ******* BROKEN. i cant. I dont even want to be here anymore. I just want to ****** give up and just die. I hate it here. I missed out on having a mom and a dad while i was growing up. and now i get to miss out on having my own family.  but your right i should just be happy that im alive and here. well fujck that. whats the point in having money or a car or ******* anything if you can never ever ever get the one thing you dream about most.. You pray and pray and pray. and guess what nothing happens. I dont want to be here./ I am totally going to commit suicide. I am over it. Nobody gets me. they couldnt possably understand the way i feel. everything has fallen apart. and when it goes back together it just tears apart again/ what a waste of ******* time. everyone is so sick of me bitching about a baby. but thats becaause they dont have my problem. I would rather have cancer than pcos. I cant afford adoption.. Cant go to school. tried that was too ******* stupid to get past basic math. Im going to be a cna for the rest of my ******* life. Im overt it. Just put me in a hole outside and let me be in peace. Goodbye..

rfsfbb rfsfbb
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 24, 2010

GIRL tell me about it! I have pcos and dealing with infertility is the hardest part. It hit me hard when I fell in love with my ex. After being together for a year he told me one night he was ready to have kids and wanted them with me.We would sit around and dream about what our baby would look like,talk about boy or girl names and how cute the baby was going to be. To make a long story short. We tryed tor 2 years. It never happened and it put an emotional strain on our relationship.After trying everything we could. He left. And 4 months after we broke up I found out he had gotten married and his wife is pregnant. That's when my depression worsened. It seemed like then everyone started having babies. My sister happily married and pregnant, my best friend pregnant! All my friends have kids! I hate this too.I cry all the time. I feel flawed, I feel like less of a woman. I feel like no man will ever want me.it depresses me to think I will never experience the joys of motherhood. Here's the part where I'm supposed to say something uplifting but I cant.I HATE PCOS.its. unfortunate that many women like you and me are burdened with this. I cant say anything uplifting but I can share your anger and sadness.

stop being an idiot of course you matter! No you are not going to be a CNA forever thats just awful to think that! stop feeling sorry for yourself and start changeing your life right now! stop crying and go to school! it sounds like you love babys, why don't you go to school to be a nurse or a 1st grade teacher :) and yes i got that your not very good at Math but my friend was awful at math she couldn't do basic math at all and she took a class on basic math to do her LVN course and even got a tutor and she ended up passing everything! if you want it bad enough you will get what you dream of, Also as for the baby part There are TONS of adoption agencies that would LOVE TO give you a baby!! but you need to have some kind of good income i dont think a CNA will cut it luv, so if you really want this baby go to school! im sure there's a little baby just waiting for you to love her/him :)