Today I feel the way I always want to feel. Buoyant. Competent. Enthused, eager to work, and get things done – NOT wanting to crawl into bed every second of the day, and having to push myself against the inclination to lie down…like a mammoth trapped in a tar pit, trying to escape the pull of the sticky, viscous substance. Like a planet trying to pull away from the gravity of the sun. Like being stuck in a centrifuge, plastered against the inner surface.
Today I DON’T want to crawl into bed. Today I want to be up! It’s such a relief! Such a good feeling to WANT to be productive, not mired in the procrastination borne of deep depression. So much energy is expended in the resistance, the attempt to try and not succumb to my sanctuary - the bed - that there's nothing left for so little else.
But today...today is a good day.
It's the way I KNOW I'm CAPABLE of feeling...but a feeling which is so elusive and unobtainable most days, that I forget what it feels like, and sometimes doubt it even exists for me.
But today...today is a good day...
I feel like DANCING!
And I can MOVE!
fluid joints swaying to a rythm I can't hear when I'm mired in the depths, like waves, shallow and high - being stuck INSIDE one of them.
But today...today is a good day.
And I truly do hope it continues.
dragonflEYEfly dragonflEYEfly
36-40, F
2 Responses Aug 22, 2014

You were hysterical an hour ago

Haven't been on EP for a while. That was old.

Being yourself is the best thing to do!