A Brief Background.

I have been married 35 years and have two grown children. My daughter is labeled with a mild learning disability and still lives with us.  My husband has always been the over possessive controlling type . I could tell you things that would make you shake your head in disbeliefe. for instance checking my milage on  the car to keep track of where I go. Not allowing me to ever have any close friends... so on and so on. We tried many marriage counselors but it always just made things worse, because he always accused me of sleeping with them because they always saw my side of things.  Anyway, this behavior, caused us to be seperated for over three years, which I truley thought then was going to end in divorce and would have if things didnt occure that caused me to have to let him move back in. One thing is I could not find a job. Of course he never allowed me to work. Would throw giant fits every time I would even mention it. So when this seperation came, and I had no kind of experience, I realized that was part of his plan to keep me dependent on him.  Then , I mentioned eariler our daughter. She was very much over weight. And from dr's advice she was told to check into a gastric bypass. I told him this , and of course she had no insurance. He said, I'll pay for it if  I get to move back in. At that point I just said to hell with it and gave in.  Yeah.. he wouldnt pay for it just cuz she was his daughter and it was for her health !!!!!

After he moved back in things just went from bad to worse. He was more obsessive and controling as he ever was. Im sure most here have heard of adult friend finder. Well I was still in it from when we were seperated.... and just about four years ago began talking to a man in Ohio, Im in Indiana. We talked online and on the phone close to a year before we decided to meet. He himself had been married for 37 years, and his marriage was great until about 15 years ago she just decided she didnt want sex anymore or anything passionate in their marriage anymore. so she turned it all completly off.  We met and just fell head over heels in love with one another.. and three years later still going strong. We have discussed many times about leaving our spouces so that we can have the life together that we both want so much, and have also discussed many times what the reasons are that keep us where we are for the time being anyway.

I joined this site hopeing to find others in a similiar situation . It would help so much just to have others to share with .


Glad to be here....

joytoy joytoy
51-55, F
7 Responses May 28, 2009

Hi Geministwin & Scotchrox.. I sure understand where your both comming from. Bill and I are both stuck in these loveless passionless marriages alot due to finances too. Bills always saying he could never provide for me as well as hubby can. I tell him like you said Gemini.. money does not matter to me in the least. I rather live on the streets and be happy with him.. then live in a mansion and be miserable. <br />
I agree Scotchrox takeing on the responsibility of a 13 year old can be a big leap. But I believe in that old saying, ' love conquers all'. <br />
Gemini at least its a plus for you that your b/f is not married and just has a long time live in g/f.

Gotcha Geministwin. It could be that very thing ! I certainly do not want to be taken as a needy man. I thing women want security and confidence rather than a weak needy fellow ( I am neither BTW ) and I refuse to come across that way. I think of it more as a lengthy pursuit. I also, as you, would carry the financial end. Ever so meager as it appears THESE days !! lol. I want to give her everything I have and provide for her well being....and her 13 year old daughter. That is a big leap for me !

OMG Scotchrox! I wonder if my BF is thinking along the same lines as you about the neediness, the house, money, credit. Worse, I have a feeling, being that I'm more comfortable than he is financially, that this puts a bit of pressure on him. But he needn't worry. I come from humble beginnings and at this stage in my life, it's more important to have love and happiness than money. My husband and I are planning to get a divorce as soon as my career has stabilized, which will be in a year or less. We are having an amicable divorce.<br />
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My BF is not married, he has a long time live-in GF, and also lives in a passionless, sexless, friendless environment. I love him very much.<br />
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And I hope that he loves me too.

OMG....I got an e-mail from my " one that got away " a little over a year ago. It was out of the blue ! We have been chatting ever since and even met once. She cried when we had to part. Now things are just messed up between her pending divorce and me trying to sell my house so I can divorce and be with her. She is a bit standoffish these days but...she did e-mail me today . I think she has a lot on her plate and mind. I know when things get heavy she has a back off tendency. I always let her make first contact. I don't want to be like a needy man ! That is not attractive. I would drop everything today and go to her...but that would mean no house and no money and no credit !! That is also not attractive in a man. Sooooo I will continue on with my life as is for now....passionless ( not sexless ) but severe lack of passion. Sell house sell ! I will give my ex the lions share of the money. I just need out ! I want the dream ! I want to walk off into the sunset with my SC girl !! Damn I love her.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm encouraged that it has lasted this long for you. I met mine on a web site as well.

I too fell in love with someone I met from a website (Ashley Madison.com). I didn't plan it that way, but just happened. I was looking for passion and found love.<br />
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I am planning to get a divorce as soon as I am financially able to, and my husband is aware of this. Check out my story when you have a moment.

Glad to have you here! you'll find many people in similar situations with a willing ear to listen and as non-judgmental as they come. It's a great place.