I Left My Husband, And I Want Things To Work With My Flame

Flame?!? I don't know what to call him. I've written about him before. We work together, having an emotional affair (whatever that is), and went out several times and became more than friends. Still haven't had full-on sex, but very close. I have been married 13 years but together with my husband for 20 years in all. I have worked with this man for a few years. He opened my eyes to all that I have been missing.

In early December, we had a talk and he was clear he could not cheat. He was clear that he had thought about us in the long term and was terrified. I realized then that he had strong feelings for me too.

I decided to leave my husband...not for the man I love but for ME. So now I am alone in my own home, with my children happily (strangely) splitting time between us both. My (ex? I don't know what to call it when you are separated!) husband and I are fairly amicable. My friend is in a crazy platonic miserable relationship with a woman. He needs her financially, but is miserable. He's trying to play it safe and is trying not to see me outside of work.


My question is, then. What advice can anyone give about spending time with him and making it easy for him to take a chance with me? He makes me happy. I know this may not be forever but I have to try this...or at least have good sex for the first time in 20 years! I have appreciated the advice I've gotten here in the past- but now I really need it!


Thanks.

 

thinkinggirl thinkinggirl
36-40, F
4 Responses Feb 8, 2010

My only advice would be do what makes you happy today. If sex with your Ex wasn't too exciting and you know sex with your friend would be then what are you waiting for. At least have a few rounds with him and then decide to let him go or keep him. You said "My friend is in a crazy platonic miserable relationship with a woman. He needs her financially, but is miserable." Here lies your answer and so I say have a good sex for the first time in 20 years. Sounds like your Ex is willing to come back to you.<br />
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I always look for woman's happiness, sexually and otherwise.<br />
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Does that make sense? You can send me an email if you like to talk it out further.

well honestly , from ur posts it just looks like u have acted in affair fog .<br />
now u want to convince ur lover into leaving his partner just like u dumped ur husband of 20 yrs for him .? <br />
u said ur ex husband & u are amicable , so can i ask u does he know u have been cheating on him & dumped him for another man ? Now that u have already done the damage u should at least be honest with ur husband about ur affair , because if he finds out from somewehre else that will be a hard blow .

best thing you can do is be there for your friend. Don't try to manipulate him or force him into anything. He has to make up his own mind about what he wants to do, and whether that includes you or not. He sounds like he could use a friend. Be one, but don't put any pressure on him to take your relationship to a different level. If it's meant to be, it will happen when it's time. I never thought I would ever have a relationship outside my marriage, yet here I am.

just want to know did u confess to ur husband about ur affiar ? btw why u have to pretend u didn' t leave ur husband for ur friend ?