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Married Coworker...

I cant tell anybody this story because Ilivein a very small town and somebody would let it slip... so here I am telling a whole bunch of random online strangers one of my deepest darkest secrets... I am falling for a married man...

I have been working with him for over a year and we usually never talk, walk right by each other with out a word...but recently my (ex) boyfriend, who also worked there (started there because we were dating and wanted to spend time with me... I dont have a tendency to date co workers) decided to end our 3 yr relationship... The same night I was scheduled to work, and I went in, but I just couldnt handle being there, because not only did he decide to leave but he also quit the job, so just being there knowing that he would never be there, just killed me.... was there an hour and went to managment and told them I had to leave, was feeling sick... left the office cryng and walked by this guy... he offered to walk me to the car and gave me his number, told me to call him and let him know that I made the drive home ok. I didnt call. I seen him again a few days later, and told him it was nice to be concerned but I was ok now. And that was that. Then one time on break I noticed he was listening to one of  my favorite CD's, and thought it was weird because not a lot of people in this small little town like that band, so I started talking to him about music... he offered to burn me a CD and we started emailing each other and eventually txting and sending pictures and then 3 days ago he asked what I was doing for lunch... told him I was going to Taco Bell, and he asked if we could go with... well we didnt make it to taco bell, in fact we barely made it to abandoned parking lot 2 blocks away... we didnt have sex, but some serious making out... I know that if given the oppurtunity it will go further...

Ive never been good at relationships, so in no way do I want him to leave his wife. He has told me from the begining that he will not leave her.I really am perfectly ok with that! I know that if he left her A) Id always be wondering if he secretly thought about going back or that he was better with her or B) we'd end up just as miserable as they are... (from his side of the story... mostly sexually - which is where I come in) We both agreed it wont be permanent, and just to have fun with it... when the fun wears off, we just go back to being co workers...

I know affairs are wrong, but hes not lying to me. We both need the ego boost, and I know that he's not hte guy to fall in love with so I can gointo this would "fling" guarded. It's not that I dont think about how his wife would feel, Im not a monster. But when the two of us are together, she doesnt come to my head... I just really like the attention... He txts me when she's sleeping, and I like knowing that he is lying there in bed with her but missing me and wishing I was there instead of her.

They dont have any kids and I cant have any (no uterus) and we both no nothing is going to come of this.... Is this really that wrong?
elementalcrisis67 elementalcrisis67 22-25, F 4 Responses May 31, 2010

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It gets to your head and you rationalize and tell yourself that it's not a problem, as long as you are not lying to each other. You are lying to yourself though. You are lying that you don't have feelings for the man. You are lying that you are ok that he will always choose his wife over you. You are lying to yourself about him not being a cheating sob, who has no respect for either his wife or you. And finally you are lying to yourself that this lack of respect is honesty. The only thing you'll gain is humiliation when this will blow up. Even though in these situations saying these things does not make a bit of a difference to people involved, I'll say it anyway. It absolutely without any shadow of a doubt is a wrong situation to be in. Things that start this way never end well. For anyone.

I thought the same thing about my married co-worker - we talked about it too - we would only do this for a while and then go back to being co-workers. It doesn't work. It isn't worth the risk for your other co-workers finding out, his wife finding out, or you end up falling for him/or him for you. There is nothing good that can come out of this.

My advice don't do it!! I have been in a similar situation, but realized I am better off alone then being someone's seconds. Yeah he makes you feel good and feeds you the same lines. He is not lying to you come on, he is lying to his wife. Does she know about this, I am sure she doesn't. He wants his cake and eat it too. I agree the attention is nice, but YES IT IS VERY WRONG HE IS MARRIED.<br />
You are better than that and you deserve someone who can be totally devoted to you. As I see it he knew you were vulnerable and an easy target. Please save yourself the pain it will hurt more later on. <br />
ut<br />
In my case he hit on me from the moment he saw me. He knew I was having martial problems and jumped on the chance I may bite. Stupid me I fell for it, he was not that attractive but younger and said the right things. We met once and after a few drinks and make out session, he said I need to go see my kids (and wife I assumed) and had to go wipe the lipstick off his collar. Do you know how cheap I felt? Then he leaves and calls me and says he could have easily taken me to a hotel and made love to me , but has too much respect for me. From that moment I realized what type of man I was dealing with. I was still trying to see if I was wrong and he played the game. I finally told him I couldn't do this and he called and aid I want us to be good friends. The nerve!!<br />
I finally told him to his face that we were nothing to each other and he said he wanted our relationship to be.. I stopped him and said the only relationship he has is with his wife. The mistake I made is I wanted to reassure myself that I was right and tried to indulge him to see if he would bite. He responded, but he was playing with me. I got angry after he replied to me saying he was being honest about being busy. I was fuming and sent him a message basically saying this is exactly what I knew, that he would never make the effort or have the time for me. I also told him to go work on your marriage . Let me know if doesn't work out. For the first time he didn't respond to my text and guess what I am so happy. <br />
He is a married jerk and I was vulnerable, but deep down I always knew he wasn't the one for me( I was hoping he was)Yeah maybe the sex would be great, but with sex comes emotions. I am just as much to blame for all of this. I have to see him at work and it will be easier now because I stopped it before it got too bad. Not worth it!!!

My advice don't do it!! I have been in a similar situation, but realized I am better off alone then being someone's seconds. Yeah he makes you feel good and feeds you the same lines. He is not lying to you come on, he is lying to his wife. Does she know about this, I am sure she doesn't. He wants his cake and eat it too. I agree the attention is nice, but YES IT IS VERY WRONG HE IS MARRIED.<br />
You are better than that and you deserve someone who can be totally devoted to you. As I see it he knew you were vulnerable and an easy target. Please save yourself the pain it will hurt more later on. <br />
ut<br />
In my case he hit on me from the moment he saw me. He knew I was having martial problems and jumped on the chance I may bite. Stupid me I fell for it, he was not that attractive but younger and said the right things. We met once and after a few drinks and make out session, he said I need to go see my kids (and wife I assumed) and had to go wipe the lipstick off his collar. Do you know how cheap I felt? Then he leaves and calls me and says he could have easily taken me to a hotel and made love to me , but has too much respect for me. From that moment I realized what type of man I was dealing with. I was still trying to see if I was wrong and he played the game. I finally told him I couldn't do this and he called and aid I want us to be good friends. The nerve!!<br />
I finally told him to his face that we were nothing to each other and he said he wanted our relationship to be.. I stopped him and said the only relationship he has is with his wife. The mistake I made is I wanted to reassure myself that I was right and tried to indulge him to see if he would bite. He responded, but he was playing with me. I got angry after he replied to me saying he was being honest about being busy. I was fuming and sent him a message basically saying this is exactly what I knew, that he would never make the effort or have the time for me. I also told him to go work on your marriage . Let me know if doesn't work out. For the first time he didn't respond to my text and guess what I am so happy. <br />
He is a married jerk and I was vulnerable, but deep down I always knew he wasn't the one for me( I was hoping he was)Yeah maybe the sex would be great, but with sex comes emotions. I am just as much to blame for all of this. I have to see him at work and it will be easier now because I stopped it before it got too bad. Not worth it!!!