Do We Stand a Chance?

Last year I became friends with a married man. We share many things in common and immediately grew on each other soon becoming best friends.  He approached me last year, months after our initial meeting saying he has emotionally become attached.  He told me he was confused b/c his married has had it's bumps but overall he felt they were happy.  I admitted my curiosity and then things soon spiraled off to an affair.   As naive as it sounds, this is beyond the "sexually deprived husband affair" or the "she doesn't understand me affair" and I am smart enough to know when I am someone's fling.  He describes it as the first time he has ever been truly in love, completely vulnerable and the happiest he has ever been.  I love this man as if he was my own but I am guilt stricken about this whole ordeal. I pictured the man who would steal my heart would be a unmarried like-minded individual.  We would start as two young lovers, grow together, travel, be wild together and then settle into a nice home, pop out some kids, retire and travel some more.  There are so many obstacles me and mr. married face with a significant age difference, different goals, common fear of acceptance after the ordeal and I feel like there are too many odds for us to survive.  One of the biggest issues we have is that he is basing his leaving his wife solely to be with me and I never see those situations turn out as both parties hoped.   What scares me the most is my fear of not having the idea situation ruin what could potentially be a relationship of strong true love that overcame the obstacles.  Am I the only one in this situation? Do these things work out ever?  Is it wrong to believe that maybe this is part of the overall plan the Big Guy has in store for us? Do extra marital affairs ever turn into new marriages/relationships?  

Haydenlynn Haydenlynn
4 Responses Mar 26, 2009

I don't know if what I had was an affair or fling. I met this man few years back. Saw him from far and liked him right away. One drink, was his treat. No words no forth coming no nothing until he contacted me again. Why? what is this? what do I do, what to say? Yes I admit I knew he's married but again he's the one who approached me. Before realizing what it was my feelings grew stronger and yes I fell for him. Too hard maybe because it took me months to make myself strong again and think. Goodness there was no promissed and other, would have made things harder to let go. I thought things over and put even more distance. Yes there is a lot at stake, not only for him but for us in similar situation. Consider all and NEVER write them down. The list is way to long (we don't want to get there!) The anwser is within oneself. Find it and give it some thought. <br />
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Do I still have feelings for him? ...... <br />
My answer is ....<br />

Unfortuntely I am in the same situation as you, except both of us are married.<br />
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I can't help with the answer because I am trying to find answers myself!

This could work but the odds are against you. <br />
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He could be going through a re-discovery of who he is and you are helping him with the process. Unfortunately, you may be the safety net he needs to get the courage he needs to leave his wife. If this is the case, he believes he is in love with you but will be reluctant to commit to you after he has left his wife. Ultimately, he may wish time to himself to continue his journey of self-discovery.<br />
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Frankly, he and his wife could be going through a rough patch. You're not helping the situation. He needs to focus on his marriage and make his own decisions. You may ultimately be collateral damage as he sorts things out.<br />
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I'm don't want to give a sermon but after my first marriage, I always had a golden rule, "Stay away from married women!" Marriage can be tough enough and I did not want to contribute to the failure of someone's marriage.<br />
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You never know, they may be able to get it back together again.

It could work. But he needs to leave his wife and I mean now.