Is It So Wrong?

He's 57 I am 50. I posted an ad for a relationship and he responded. From thebeginning he was honest, in a relationship without passion or connection... We exchanged several emails and met for dinner. There is a connection there, a warm understanding connection, intelligence and physical attraction. It' not the I-need-to-get-laid heat that I have had and acted on in the past.

I have never married, and haven't had many significant long term relationships. In general Iprefer to be on my own and resist and fear the kind of dependency necessary in a healthy marriage (old family baggage). I long for a companion but need and cherish my alone time. I have my good friends that help with the companionship needs...

He lives across the country, comes to town for a day or so several times a month. That kind of feels like enough for me. I have no idealistic fantasy that he will leave his relationship for me... He has told me why he hasn't left until now, and it makes sense to me.

We are both consenting adults, this is not unlike the European taking of a lover... Is it really so wrong? 



ajewel ajewel
46-50, F
11 Responses Feb 26, 2010

yes is very wrong

I don't think it's wrong at all as long you both get what you want out of the relationship and have a good understanding. Just don't ever expect too much. That's where problems occur.

It isn't wrong at all and you are serving each others needs . You are probably saving his marriage too and helping him stay with his passionless wife by giving him some much needed affection xoxo

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but the problem with a married man is that they are always "in a relationship without passion," because that's what it takes to get you in bed with him...he's married, but his life partner can't satisfy him, but maybe YOU have that magic "something". Sorry, but how convenient. If a man (or woman) is not happy in his marriage, he needs to either fix it, put up with it, or get out of it. Cheating is cheating, I don't care WHAT the back-story is.
I have a lot of sex with other people, and many of them ARE married or in committed relationships...but what I do is always with the full approval...and often involvement...of thir spouse. I may be a swinger, but I don't abide cheating...

Speaking as a man and a European, it is morally wrong for him, and possibly byou too; however it appears to be a normal reaction to both sets of needs. Personally, I would go for it and leave the moralising to others; you've read my stories, you know where my morals lie!

I personally do NOT like to play with someone in a committed relationship... but that's my baggage. Do what feels right to you, and enjoy it!

Yeah, I have a hard time with that… I would not want to be on the receiving end, if I had the idea that my partner was being faithful. I ended up seeing this guy only once or twice. He pushed for more, but I felt too guilty.

I may be naughty, but I have integrity! ;)

I think you're fine. No attachment, you get what you both want and need.

Well jewel in my opinion no because you are both being honest with no hidden agenda so as long as that continues you go girl get yours.

Sounds like you have found a balance that works for you. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons or too young, and have too much unnecessary pain going through separation. Not that your choice has been pain free as would assume there have been times you have doubted some actions / decisions. But who doesn't?

go with the flow, its only when you start expecting more or demanding more when the strain will appear, so if you are ok with what you get enjoy the moment<br />
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Hope he has told you the truth about his current relationship though which is of course a matter of trust<br />
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No, sounds good for you both!!