Questioning Fidelity

I posted a question about having an affair. Would you mind answering it?

1) Best reason to
2) Best reason not to

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~ Ima
imathinkin imathinkin
51-55, F
7 Responses Aug 11, 2010

alwayshisgirl, thats a brilliant insight. And you're right. A marriage or any conventional relationship involves friends, family and all the inherent expectations. A relationship between two people suddenly involves many more others. Whereas an affair is spontaneous, novel and only about two people. Freedom of the individual versus the expectations of societal stability.<br />
However, the majority of affairs are temporary and if exposed, can blow families apart. Which is bad for society.

I really relate to what alwayhisgirl said,,,,, BUT..... someone else beside the enamored couple always knows and then EVERONE knows. <br />
And its not just the two of you. There are your spouses and kids and parents....<br />
But the feeling of it being just the two of you is accurate....until all hell breaks loose whether its your conscious beating you up for being a liar or the soon to be ex beating down your door or your kids hearing **** they shouldn't.<br />
You're always waiting for the **** to hit the fan. Because everything and everyone says it will. The shoe will drop, the straw will break. God I hate cliche's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best reason to: It enabled me to find happieness, love, and affection. If not for my lover, i would have had to divorce my husband and break up our family. <br />
<br />
Worst Reason to- The stress of lieing. I wears you out and makes the affair not so fun after several years.

The best reason to have an affair is because its one of very few relationships that actually involve only two parties. Think about it, in life how many people have stayed in relationships because they dont want to admitt to the world that they are breaking up and being single again. Suddenly the motives or a relationship are more than for love. People want to be with other people to show off, to have comfort, to have stability. In an affair nothing stable is involved. Its purely passion and attraction. They dont have to worry about staying together or what others will think because its secret. Its only about a connection that cant be tamed. It is the only relationship where all that matters is he wants her and she wants him.

It's difficult to give a straight answer to your question without knowing what has led you to ponder having one. From my own experience with having one I don't recommend it. I regret it deeply.

"Reason" has no place in it, you do it or you don't, listmaking doesn't really access what you want/need, it's just an abstraction. All decisions are wrong and right in this type of situation. Go with your gut and just call it "life."

Best reason to - the passion, intimacy and sex not being received in marriage<br />
Best reason not too - at the moment I can't think of one - but if I was found out????