I Am Having An Affair

A Thought From The Other Woman

By: Kelki

Written on October 12th, 2011

You are the one he’s lived with for a very long time. I have known him for three years.

You are the one who wakes up to his familiar face each and every day and you give him a peck on the cheek. I gaze into his deep brown eyes and run my hands through his slightly graying dark hair as I passionately kiss him.

You are the one he hands the credit card on Saturday morning. He calls you Milady as you walk out the door for an afternoon of shopping. I meet him on Saturday afternoon. I handle every inch of his body in every way. He calls me a Goddess.

You are the one who was not in the mood. When we met, we will urgently ***** or slowly disrobe each other depending on our mood.
You are the one who nags him about the Honey-Do List. I scream, “Honey do that again as his hands, fingers and tongue did everything I dream about.

I know if you saw me you would wonder what he saw in me. But deep down we both know it has nothing to do with my looks but everything to do with how I make him feel. For these few hours, I let him know he is the one!

By: Kelki

Age: 46-50 , Female

1,729 people have read this story

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59 responses

daleva1

This should be required reading for every wife, including mine.
Great Post.

Apr 3
2 likes
Awakeforthedance

Wow, Kelki, this story has been kept active for a year -- touchy subject. ;) Someone below mentioned the loneliness factor -- and that is a big factor with what I am experiencing with my AP, something we talk about a lot. How we each TRIED to connect openly and honestly with our spouses about sexual desires, needs and fantasies but were shot down every time. Our needs are seen as "excessive" by our spouses and that's just it... end of story. If they don't want it, we don't get it - we have to "deal with it." We live with a list of rules when it comes to our spouses. He can't look at her naked, go anywhere near her vagina unless it is straight, missionary sex, fondle her in the middle of the night, etc. I can't wake my husband with soft kisses, touch his neck, or suggest anything out of the ordinary. What a stifling existence!!! Not only are OUR desires not met, we don't feel safe in the marriage anymore to truly BE who we ARE (at the core) and loneliness sets in -- of course we seek out relief from that.

Dec 30, 2012
1 like
- Kelki
  Nothing is lonelier than laying next to someone you can connect with in that most intimate way. I think, at some level, our spouses believe at some point our needs will become nonexistent.
  The day I decided to connect with an affair partner is a vivid memory. I had thought H. and I were reconnecting and then he stated he did not know what to do if I was the only one enjoying the experience. I had just poured my heart out. I told him I wanted to shower him with kisses, preform world class ********, and practice simultaneous *******. But in his mind I was selfish no matter what. I was dreaming of mutual pleasure and he was dreading even the mere thought of sex.
  There is no way to describe the devastation, despair and outright desperation I felt. I literally knew I was going to die if I did not connect with a male. When I wrote the story that is what I wanted to convey. Affairs can be an avenue to healing. I never thought of an affair as a way to get revenge or a way to get out of my other martial responsibilities. It was simply about finding someone else on the same path. However, perceptions were tricky to deal with.
  
  Dec 30, 2012
  1 like
americandreams

So true. In my case, its not just sex, but also love. I'm in love with someone I consider a best friend as well and it hurts me because we are so in love with each other and the timing just didnt work out until we were both already married. She get to have him all the time and doesn't always appreciate what she has. :(

Nov 28, 2012
1 like
Caligirl1234

Oh My God! I love this! You have just described my three year affair perfectly!

Sep 28, 2012
1 like
SpinCompass

This is a tough subject for anyone. Anaïs Nin would have enjoyed reading your post, Kelki. Kudos...

Mar 30, 2012
1 like
- Kelki
  Funny you should mention Anais Nin!Her stories were my replacement for the real thing until I was had an affair....
  
  Mar 30, 2012
  1 like
Wilber999

Kelki,

I'm with you 100%. The only think you left out is the loneliness that one feels when a spouse is neglected and sometimes that loneliness is so overwhelming that that it needs to be fed before anything else. Maslow explained it very well in his hierarchy of needs. I think that too often, the one at home thinks they are providing everything and the one astray feels that the wrong things are being provided.

I went to counseling with my wife once and when the counselor asked me what I felt was missing in our marriage, I thought i explained it pretty well the counselor and my wife. My wife responded by telling me that i was wrong, that I don't feel that way because she was doing everything right. So I stopped trying.

Thank you for your story Kelki. This one hit home (or hit a nerve for some).

Nov 14, 2011
2 likes
- Kelki
  Oh I do understand all that! I have all that loneliness explained in some of my profile stories. I too did the counseling route with my husband. He sat there like a rock, no emotion, no reaction, nothing. Thus I stopped trying. I was so outright blatent about what I needed there is no way he could not understand. Let's keep in touch and stay strong!
  
  Nov 14, 2011
  1 like
aod7909

I did not take what you wrote as a personal attack on his wife. I read it and it made me smile because of the truths behind it. I took it as a statement about affairs in general. I didnt think you were blaming his wife or trying to tell her to fix what is broken.To me, it is a compare and contrast to a situation. It is just words many of us would like to say. I read your story to my MM. He agreed with what you said and laughed at your "honey do list" and "honey do me" comment. My MM and myself are both in sexless marriages and have been for quite a while. All the involved parties have accepted that both marriages are platonic and are living fine with that. My MM says what you stated works both ways and it's why he always tells me he makes a better BF then husband. People are too quick to judge what they truly don't understand.

Nov 1, 2011
1 like
- Kelki
  I am glad you both took it just as it was stated. The truth is I am pretty content with just having my MM as a BF. A sexless marriage is not only impossible to fix but it is just plain hard to even admit. It so difficult to be feel like you are rejected for something that should be so normal in a marriage. I am so happy for both of you to have found each other. May you have many days of pure bliss.
  
  Nov 2, 2011
  1 like
GarciaMarquez

There are adulterous affairs in which one or both partcipants seek to supplant the other's spouse and there are adulterous affairs where the participants' marriages are not up for discussion. The latter may provide a safety valve of sorts, it may ensure that a marriage which is essentially strong survives. You say that you do not talk about his wife or their marriage and that he has never asked you about yours and that and other things you say make it sound like your relationship falls into the latter category. If that's correct, I can't help wondering whether it's really appropriate to be writing about his wife in a way that seems to apportion some of the responsibility for the affair to her? It's beautifully written, but I'm not sure that's enough.

Nov 1, 2011
4 likes
- StellaDiBellezza
  That's kinda what I was thinking, too, Garcia.
  
  Nov 1, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Wonderful! Thank you! I wanted to hear it was beautifully written. Again, it was a collaboration of experences and situations I have collected. The posting was not meant to be autobiographical. Now the part I said later to the wanna-be psychoanalysts about not talking about our spouses, we really don't. I do know a few things about what she will and won't do with him and it really is a just a shame. But it is nothing like to the extent I portrayed in the writing. The posting is not about her, specifically. Most of it I wrote because it.... well... sounded good and I wanted EP folks to think about it but not read into and make outright judgements and assumptions about my character. I do hope I made that clear this time and I don't get another load of unwanted advice based on one posting.
  
  Nov 1, 2011
  1 like
- GarciaMarquez
  That makes sense to me. There is treacherous terrain between what we write and what others read, between what we say and what others hear.
  
  Nov 2, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Yea I kind of meant it to sound like that. I know some people are assuming I am an an evil witch, or a poor soul that deserves better, or mixed up woman who is in love with a married man she cannot have. Maybe I am one or all of those ... However, I also consider myself to be openminded and reflective. BTW, I could just as easily write a comparative post from the other point of view since I have walked in those shoes too.
  
  Nov 2, 2011
  1 like
1 More Reply
RedRubies

Ah Kelki, you just couldn't let it go.... Very well, I'll respond, though your defensiveness is a little silly at this point.

What you don't like is that I called you out on your behaviour. I am not judging you for seeking sex outside of your marriage if yours does not have any, I am commenting on your post which - again - implies that if the wife did what you did, her husband would not cheat. Again, you do not know this.

You now distance yourself from what you wrote by bringing in other factors (i.e. your husband cannot have sex, or he knows about your affair etc) That is not the point. If your marriage is not satisfying as you have alluded to, why would you seek out a married man to sleep with? Why would you at least not find a single man? You are hurting, yet you feel no shame in the fact that you are inflicting hurt on another women. (I suspect, while you won't admit it, that's part of the thrill, sleeping with someone's husband, mmmm?) You can't be truly surprised that people react to this less than favorably, Kelki.

As you keep going on about my lack of experience, I will give you a tidbit: I have been with the same partner for 16 years, so I have a little bit 'o experience in the relationship department despite your protests that hope to indicate otherwise.

(Oh, and I always respond to my friends' comments. That's why they are my friends but that is not actually relevant.)

Lastly, I'm sorry you don't like me. I don't dislike you. But, allow me to offer you the option of the "block" button in regards to me. Click it hard.

Peace to you Kelki.

Oct 31, 2011
4 likes
- Kelki
  I will not let go! You are the one who continuously needs to comment . YOu are just as stubborn. Once again, I am not disputing anything I just DO NOT need or want your advice. I did not ask for advice at all. Again, you implied what you think I said., many others are just taking it for what I wrote it as , that spouses shold treat thier partners better in the sex dept. By the way< I noticed you deleted the comment in which I called you on a few of the assumptions that could be made about your pics and posts. And that is really all you are doing is making assumptions about me based on a posting. If i was hurting I would just admit on a different post and I have.
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  Ok Kelki. Enough. You are getting quite emotional. Let's agree to disagree. (For the record, I didnt delete any comment, I can't delete what you write or any of your questions)
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Rubies, enough! I am not emotional, I am confused by your actions. You gave me unwanted advice. Are you really so arrogant that you beleive anything you say should be taken as such wisdom. You are posting on a story I wrote, fine I disagree with you but why do you need the last word on the story I started and thus get to finish. Once again, you assumed something that was not true.
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
Longrun

I find this whole thing fascinating. I am grateful to Kelki for writing it, I am even more grateful to my friends RedRubies and Takenheart for their comments. I will not try to take sides or say who is right, I think that all of you make some good points here. I also know that in the end, all of us evaluate what we read based on our own experiences.

I will say this, I understand that when a spouse is not taken care of physically and sexually, they are more likely to cheat, not that I think that is the right thing to do. Certainly cheaters have a warped perspective of the person they are cheating with, since they get the fun, but not the real life. I do think Kelki has some good advice, in that spouses should care for each other better and seek to meet each other's need. It is also true that some spouses cause their own misery, at least in part. (Myself included.) Even when I am trying to honestly look at my own marriage, I see things from my own perspective, through my own sorrow and I blame things on her that may be unfair. In my case, I seek to get at the truth for my life and marriage and constantly re-evaluate everything, but most people don't, they just concentrate on what makes them look good and their partner bad.

In the end, I have to say, I really don't like cheaters, I think it is something that will cause pain and hurt to many people. It may make the people involved feel good, but it in the end I believe it to do more harm than good. Also, seems to me like they are users and even if that using is mutual, sooner or later, one will get tired of being used.

Somehow, I know this comment will make everyone mad, but it is just my perspective.

Oct 31, 2011
5 likes
- RedRubies
  Longrun you have obviously put a lot of thought into this. I agree completely that most people tend to concentrate on what makes them look good and their spouse bad. I am a huge believer in personal responsibility. Very thoughtful and introspective post.
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Longrun
  Thank you Red, coming from you that means a lot. I respect you greatly!
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Longrun
  Thank you TH, I appreciate your words!
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  Aww thank you both. I always enjoy the opinions of both of you too!!
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Since we are on the subject of fidelity and responsibility...
  A question.....
  Why in the hell are you three even reading posts about affairs?
  Either you are interested in having one or you need the glory of beleiving you can save us poor souls whom are having one. In my case, I do not need saving. I may have flaws and maybe in your eyes I am just being used but it still it is just a choice. I have done many things in my life that I may not be proud of and many friends have given me valuable advice along the way. I honestly do understand your comments and if I were in a different circumstance I might even agree with you. However, RedRubies I simply do not like you. I do not find your comments helpful but arrogant. One again, you do not know me or the reason why I posted what I did. (At least Taken, did read some of my previous posts and has some understanding) At 30 something, I think you lack experience and I do not have respect for much of anything you say ,or ,for that matter do. I think your assumptions are just that, your own little perspections based on your own little world. I find you very immature and a person whom likes to judge others but does not beleive she should be judged. It is quite clear that you feel you need a lot of attention or you would not continue to comment on each little compliment some one makes to you. You consider what I wrote gloating and I simply have an opinion. I do not need or want your advice. And for that matter, you just all assumed I was "sneaking around" with a lover .......
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  LongRun, I thank you for you comments and being classy enough to NOT give me advice based on assumptions, such as you deserve better etc. I honestly just wish the society we live in did not view discreet affairs as wrong , illicit or immoral. I wish for a world that could just accept the fact that different people just need different things at different times in our lives. We should all reevaluate our relationships every day and we should also know that a bird's eye is not enough to judge someone as a cheater or gutless or hurting any other such word. We do not know what the other's situation is and thus judging them based on a post is just a welll....not the whole story.
  
  Nov 1, 2011
  1 like
3 More Replies
Kelki

"Every issue, belief, attitude or assumption is precisely the issue that stands between you and your relationship to another human being; and between you and yourself." ~Gita Bellin~

Oct 30, 2011
1 like
RedRubies

Breathe Kelki. You shouldn't care so much what I think if you are comfortable with your decision. Keep in mind when you post a story on a public site that allows feedback, that you might not get the "Right on sister!" commments you were perhaps anticipating.

You asked: "Why does my post strike such a chord with you?" I will tell you: I do not like women who sleep with other women's husbands behind their backs and then gloat about it. It's unnattractive, disrespectful and fosters mistrust among women which is such a shame. Again, you have no idea of my experiences.

Oh, and I have a graveyard in my closet. (Just not one of dishonesty.) Glad Halloween is coming up.

Oct 30, 2011
5 likes
- Kelki
  I could care less about what you think. You, however, are living in a fantasy world. Affairs happen, it is a fact. I make another human being happy and he in turn makes me happy. You describe it as gloating, I just put a suggestive post out there to make men and women think about their marriage based on my experience and most people got that. You are obviously too young to understand the complexities of some long term obligations. There are reasons people make the choices they do. I am quite sure if your husband could no longer perform, you would be running the other way. In reality, many people would consider the picture you post as an invitation to be used and abused which could also be considered unattractive, disrespectful and offensive to all women in general. Then there are people who believe talking to someone of the opposite sex online is an emotional affair thus they are cheating. At least admit that your limited view of the world is probably not the way everyone sees it. I can honestly say I do that every day.
  
  Oct 30, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Thank the Lord! Your patronizing comments and assumptions were tiring. I do admit you are quite determined but I am glad to be rid of you. Best wishes to you too.
  
  Oct 30, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  You silly girl Ruby! You said this conversation was no longer productive to you thus why have you continued it? That is quite dishonest of you!!
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  By the way, you deleted your own comment about how you felt this conversation was irrelevant and no longer productive. YOU can delete your own comments!
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  I did not delete any of my comments. I too see that one of my follow up comments is now gone, perhaps an EP glitch
  
  Nov 1, 2011
  1 like
- jerrica
  thats the same thing i've said, redrubies. people that are comfortable and secure with their lives and decisions aren't going to be on the defensive, don't you think?
  
  Jan 6, 2012
  1 like
3 More Replies
RedRubies

You are the first person who has ever described me as naive, lolol. I've heard juicier ones, just not that. Regardless, I'm not clear on how Taken or I are being naive simply because we hold another view.

Your post was not a commentary on why marriages fail, your post was gloating on how you are sleeping with a married man whose wife "doesn't take care of his needs" when the truth is, you really don't know that. The implication in your story is that if the wife did "what you did" he wouldn't be straying. I will tell you that you that there is nothing that hard about lying on your back for a few hours as you do. You are giving yourself a bit too much credit.

Let me be clear: if he lives in a sexless marriage and arranges with his wife for him to satisfy his needs outside of his marriage, more power to them for finding a solution together. But him sneaking off behind her back is pretty gutless.

We all make our choices in life. If yours is to spend three hours a week with someone who who satisfies your needs by telling you that you are a goddess before he goes home to his wife, so be it.

Walk your path. I hope all works out for you, it is hard to be in a marriage that is not happy. I would be putting my energy into fixing it, or being upfront and ending it. I think you are worth more. Just keep karma in mind.

Oct 30, 2011
6 likes
- Kelki
  You are naive! You are also very determined but not really very strong. You are not even close to perceptive but totally judgemental. I did not imply anything but I did put a suggestion out there. I do know about his life but he's never complained about his wife or I about my husband. They are just very different people then we are and that is what we talk about. I do know he is not getting what he needs. In our situations, what I say is true. I am not gloating I am simply stating my own point of view. It is a collaborative writing of my experience. It just happens to be in a format that you do not approve of. The fact is that you have no experence in which to compare my situation with thus you have decided in your mind that you are somehow more moral. Your view is not right or wrong, it is just a perception. BTW, I have no clue about your life and I am not being judgemental about it. My question to you is "Why does my post strike such a chord with you". Could it be you have some skeletons in your own closet?
  
  Oct 30, 2011
  1 like
Kelki

RedRubies and Taken,

Both of you are naive in your perceptions. I am not blaming anyone. My post is a commentary of the state of some marriages and why affairs happen. Affairs do happen for the reasons I described. However, many people choose to avoid the stigma of divorce and decide to take another avenue. This choice does not make me worth less; it is just a choice that works for me at that moment. In the case of his wife and their marriage, we do not talk about it. He has never asked me about mine. We concentrate on our relationship, which just happens to be sexual in nature. I do know I am a much more focused and joyful person now and my husband and I actually get along better. My lover has helped me rediscover a part of me I thought was gone. Truthfully, our relationship although not viewed as “normal” or “moral” in your eyes has made a positive effect on my life.

Oct 30, 2011
1 like
RedRubies

Takenheart is exactly right. Meeting with someone three hours a week completely skews one's perception of the challenges that can occur in a marriage as a natural course. You have the "luxury" of not having to deal with anything other than a few hours in the bedroom. That being said, you also miss out on the joy of building a life together. With all due respect, you have no place providing advice on what one should be doing in a marriage. I do notice you've never mentioned that husbands should follow your advice as well.

I can be quite adventurous and dirty in the bedroom. If my spouse were unfaithful to me, would you still place the blame on me simply because I am a woman? The thing is.... you wouldn't know what our sex life was truly like because, again, you would only know what he tells you. And easy sex with someone who makes no demands in return is a good reason for him to moan about how "my wife doesn't understand me"

I am not attempting to be combative, Kelki, I appreciate your responses. I am genuinely curious though, if what you have with him is so amazing and you attend to his needs, why is he not with you instead of his wife? I think all people deserve more than a few hours a week from someone.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you are sleeping with somebody else's husband, at least own it for what it is. Don't attempt to make it sound like you are you are the angel of mercy bringing sex to a poor, deprived man who can't possibly be getting any from his wife at home. He's a big boy that should be able to deal with any shortcomings in his marriage without involving a third party.

I genuinely wish you well.

Oct 29, 2011
8 likes
- Kelki
  Actually I did mention husbands as well as wives and I am simply suggesting the obvious. Wives and husbands should not neglect their spouses. I have every right to comment, I am married, myself and this is EP. You and Taken are indeed lucky women. My marriage has not been all sunshine and flowers and right now I cannot change that. I wish you all the best and sincerely hope you never have to make a decision to seek a different type of relationship to get what you need. Right now, I enjoy the luxury with him and to be honest that is all I want. I am sleeping with a friend who just happens to also be married, that is what it is. Once again, may I restate? When your cozy little life of sexual fullfillment ends with your husband or b/f, reread these posts.
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  I did not state that the relationships I have had have been without challenges, just that I would not solve them in the same manner that you have chosen then boast. I do hope you find someone who honours you greatly in the future, and I am sorry that your marriage has not brought you the happiness one deserves.
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Let's see Happier, since you are also in a sexless mariage as am I, you should be able to understand that their are many complexities in every relationship. I did tell my husband years ago that he was leading me into an affair and we tried counseling and I screamed and cried more times than I can remember. However, I know now is not the time to leave. Do I ever plan to leave the marriage?? Maybe one day but for now I have a good friend/lover who takes care of me in a way my husband cannot or won't. My husband and I still do many things together and honestly he is much more content now that I am not begging him for sex anymore. There is more to a marriage than just the sex, my dear. And I do wish for a different senario but right now, it's just not possible. People whom choose affairs over divorce are much more common than you choose to beleive and we are also very real people.
  
  Jan 5, 2012
  1 like
myah06

This is definitely an angle that I have never looked at. When I have something I want all of it not a piece of it.

I think you are selling yourself short. You should have someone to wake up too, sit down and watch TV with, kiss and snuggle in for the night. Those simple little things are a big part of a relationship and you are missing out.

Oct 28, 2011
6 likes
- Kelki
  Oh I totally agree but sometimes in life we have to settle for the less optimal option. I just know when he is there I get a touch of passion I never had before.
  
  Oct 28, 2011
  1 like
- myah06
  I wont settle. I need that passion in my marriage and I think my husband and I are mutual on that. If you found the right man you could have the world in your hand. Don't waste your time on someone who cannot give you the world.
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Why do I get the feeling if your husband was not able or refused to show you the passion you so desperately desire you would run the other way? What if the perfect little world you speak of came crashing down around you?
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- myah06
  No, I would not run away. I am not sure what gave you that impression. I work very hard at my marriage and so does my husband. I don't have a perfect little world, we have had many ups n downs due to health issues and appreciate each other more than ever.
  
  Oct 30, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Well I am glad the health issues did not leave your marriage sexless. Many do end up that way, mine included. That is most of the reason I do not leave, I actually get along very well with my husband now that I do not nag him about sex anymore. I needed the passion but I also needed the friendship. They just happen to not be the same man. Wishing you the best! Oh and just for the record, I told him years ago I was doing the affair route, it's been a very long, frustrating journey.
  
  Oct 30, 2011
  1 like
- myah06
  I am sorry to hear about his health issues. It must be so hard on both of you, it was on us for a few years. It is good that you can be friends, so you do have someone to wake up to, watch TV with and so on. I understand your need for passion and think it is commendable that you were able to talk to him about your needs and work out a way to find some relief. I wish you the best.
  
  Oct 31, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Thank you and I sincerely wish you the best too. Interestingly, enough I still consider my husband a very passionate man. It depends on how you define passion. That passion just does not translate to the bedroom. I do not consider what I do with the OM ,relief, he is another person in my life that I have a connection with.
  
  Nov 1, 2011
  1 like
- myah06
  He sounds like a wonderful man.
  
  Nov 1, 2011
  1 like
5 More Replies
RedRubies

I have never had to deal with an affair in regards to my partner(s), but I must say it's curious that you as the mistress tell the wife what she is doing wrong, when in fact you have no first hand knowledge of their marriage. You only know what he tells you, and I'm willing to bet she has a different version.

She might have to deal with him never helping her out around the house, watching too much TV, not helping with the kids or gambling away their savings. He might not be satisfying her needs either. But hey, he calls you a "Goddess" when he sees you for three hours on a Saturday afternoon so it's ok. You know of what you speak.

What you do is your business, but this write up sounds rather smug and sanctimonious. You could easily be the wife someday in this situation. Women need to treat each other better.

Pride tends to come before a fall.

Oct 28, 2011
9 likes
- Kelki
  In actuality, I told her all the things she could do instead, not what she is doing wrong. I believe she has more power in her relationship with her husband than I do. However, it becomes her choice to change her marriage. My haughty attitude does not go beyond the hotel room door. I am by no means seeing the worst of him but I am lucky enough to notice some of the best of him. I am not sure many women or men do that on a daily basis thus we seek out alternative relationships. I would agree that women should treat each better. In all good conscience, I had no problem telling a good friend who complained about her husband’s sexual appetite that she should probably consider satisfying his needs more often. However, since our perception is based on our experience or lack thereof. I certainly hope you do not feel you have become the neglected significant other.
  
  Oct 28, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  I understand your response, but it really isn't your place to tell either of them what they should be doing; it's their marriage. If you cared about their marriage you wouldn't be sleeping with her husband. But I understand your response, even if I do not understand your actions. No, fortunately, I am not a neglected spouse/SO. I just have a fair amount of objectivity and decent observational skills ;-) Thank you for your response.
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  How can you say you are objective when you have never felt neglected? Your decent observational skills are so noted.... Reread all these posts when you are the neglected wife or girlfriend! My actions are based on experience as well as observation. Trust me, had you known me as a 30 something year old, I thought a lot like you. I never considered going out of my marriage to commit adultery. Now that I am closer to 50 I tend to believe all relationships are ever evolving and unique. My relationship just happens to be with another married person who understands my desires and dilemma. I do not think anyone's life needs to be judged or observed on the basis of decency or otherwise. Many relationships hit ruts, mine included. I decided that I would seek a friend to satisfy our mutual needs. Maybe it is not my place, but I can without a shadow of doubt know that many wives and husbands have affairs for the reasons I described. In all fairness, I can say I do not care about their marriage, however, from my point of view I know he or she or any other male or female deserves to be loved and cherished. I do not even know her but I do know people like her who believe that a ring on a finger excludes them from staying sexual beings and they expect their spouse to be the same way. And that, my dear, is worth commenting on.....
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  I am willing to bet that everyone has felt somewhat "neglected" at some point in a relationship. My point is, it's really not hard to lie down in a hotel room for a few hours a week. There is really nothing that you are doing that could be construed as advice. For some, sex actually gets better once they are married and committed so deeply. I am sorry that you haven't experienced this and that this is all you feel that you are worth.
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- Kelki
  Frankly, you are in no position to give me advice. My affair is a choice I have made at this point in my life. You simply have not had the same experiences I have had and all your comments are just your opinions. You are not either me or the woman I describe so how would you know so of course you would not take it as advice. I do know there are women and men who refuse their spouses sex, as hard as that is for you to fathom. Right now, this works for me and him. We have connection that he cannot share with his wife or I with my husband. I do not need another person to make me feel worth it at all, that comes from within. I do know if I had continued to try to connect with my husband on a sexual level I would be a frustrated woman and I refuse to be that way.
  
  Oct 29, 2011
  1 like
- RedRubies
  I am not giving you advice. I am commenting on a public forum in regards to a story you shared publicly on EP. You have no idea of my experiences so kindly do not make assumptions . Thank you.
  
  Oct 30, 2011
  1 like
3 More Replies
Maxnoir

Comparing perspectives is powerful... and a great way for us to "step up" and

- "do what we want to do", and

- "take what we want".

Well done Keiki

xox

Max

Oct 28, 2011
1 like

I Am Having An Affair

A Thought From The Other Woman

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