My First Emotional Affair

I've been with my wife for fifteen years, married to her for thirteen of those years. For that past ten years, there has been pretty much no physical or emotional intimacy.  None. 

I used the title I did because I have had one brief, physical affair in the past as well as a couple of one night stands.   However, the affair I'm currently in is totally different than what I've experienced in the past.

I met this wonderful woman online  this past March.  We hit it off right away.  We initially agreed to a physical only affair.  However, as I grew to know this woman, I began to develop feelings for her.

I know she could sense my growing fondness for her.  This past July, she sat me down to explain how she had been in a previous affair where she fell for the man.  Hard.  And was deeply hurt when he ended the affair.  Since then, she's always fought to keep emotions out of any affair she's had.  She told me I need to do the same.  So, I bit my tongue.  I never said a word.

We continued to see one another.  However, our contact slowly started to dwindle.  We started out seeing one another at least once a week.  Now, we're down to twice a month, at best.  In addition, we used to email daily and chat at least three or four times a week.  Sadly, I haven't had an email or an IM from her in almost three weeks.

We did have a date the other day.  Her lack of communication was brought up.  She just said she's been too busy and too tired to IM or email.  That was it.

The thing is, I want to tell her so bad that i truly do love her.  I want her to know how I feel about her.  If she runs, so be it.  If she says she doesn't feel for me what I feel for her, so be it.

So, do I say something or not?  Do I just walk away from this because of the limited contact?  I don't know.
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46-50, M
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

IF you are want a life with her and are ready to leave your wife, then you should definitely tell her. If it's just an affair, including a love affair, let her leave. She knows what she needs and she doesn't need to feel obligated to you when you are obligated to someone else.