Can't Let Go

Hi, I have no one else to talk to about this... I am married and having/had an affair with a married man.

I met him 8 years ago, we seemed to have an instant connection. I was single at the time, we had a brief affair although it didn't become physical as I was living with my parents at the time and our affair came to an abrupt end when his wife found out. Cue my heart being broken when he cut me off, I moved away and met someone else. We got married and have 2 kids, I don't think I ever stopped thinking about mm, I hoped I could forget about him but no such luck. Anyway I happened to come across him on a certain social network site and we started messaging each other, feelings began to surface again. I asked for his number, he gave it to me. We've been texting and I've called him once, he says he never stopped caring about me and that he missed me but he doesn't seem to want to see me. I know the distance is probably a factor as we live 2 hours apart. I feel completely confused, I love my husband and my life but I seem to crave mm too, I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want him to leave his wife or me leave my husband, I just want to be in his life. I hate feeling this way, It is making me miserable. He seems to have a hold over me and I would happily do anything he wanted me to do. But the thing is, I don't know what he wants. If he doesn't want anything to do with me I wish he would just say instead of stringing me along. This sounds terrible, I don't want to hurt my husband but I can't walk away from mm, I'm not strong enough. :-(
Stupidinlove12 Stupidinlove12
26-30, F
3 Responses Nov 28, 2012

Know what you are going thru.. It's hard to want someone, and can't have them. I go back and forth with my ex-lover. He will get in contact with me, then nothing for weeks. I believe actions are stronger than words.. Try not to contact him, he might just let go.

It's always hard to get over someone. Even harder when you are in constant contact with them but everything that glitters isn't gold. We tend to picture our lives being completely different and perfect with someone else other than the person were with but reality is you never know until it happens. What if you have an affair and get caught and loose a good thing that you have going on. Then get with the guy you thought was everything you wanted and realize it was nothing like you had dreamed or pictured. I'm saying this because its happened to me. I was never married and pretty young though.Have you asked him what he wanted? Or mentioned what you wanted to him?

Wanting what we can't have. Why is that longing always the most powerful?
I know that sound advice and satisfaction will not always go hand-in-hand but if
you want to chat. I'm here

Thank you, I guess writing it down has made me feel a bit better but then again it's made me realise what a mess I'm in.