I Feel Ashamed

I feel so ashamed for doing what I'm doing. I'm trying to find a way to get out of this situation without hurting people more than entirely necessary. Both men are beautiful people and they are genuine good people, now I'm in a situation where I need to choose which person to hurt more. I have no right to do that to either of them.

Before this happened, I thought I was happy enough. I wasn't always happy, but happy enough. Then I met John. I went home and thought about him so much. I spoke to my friends, they told me it's normal to feel attraction to other people sometimes. But it felt like so much more than that. Even so, I was determined not to give in to desire. Over the next fortnight I felt more and more overcome my him. I started to realise that I am not entirely happy. There are a few very important things I need to have as part of my life, these things are not optional to me in my original relationship. There is absolutely no possible way of me getting what I feel I need from him. I should have ended the relationship at this point. I felt this is not the right thing at the time because it's close to holiday season and this couldn't be a good way to end things. In the mean time, however, I started a new relationship.
He is a wonderful man, he is everything that I believe I need in a person. Now I need to make a choice.
I think I have made a choice now. But I don't know how to leave this home in the most gentle way, a way that won't devastate my original partner.

I'm so disgusted and ashamed with myself, and I deserve to have to deal with the situation I've created. No one else should have to deal with this.
fresheyes fresheyes
22-25, F
Dec 12, 2012