Balancing The Affair With Married Life....

I need to "talk" about what happened yesterday. I'm four months into my affair, and this is the first I've encountered this particular issue.

I am in a nearly sexless marriage (hence one of the reasons I'm in an extramarital affair). Sex and/or intimacy is rare, and is usually instigated by me. In all the years of our marriage (even when our sex life was decent), I have never rejected my husband if he wanted sex (even if I was pregnant, tired, etc...).

Yesterday I arrived home about 11:00 am after spending the night before with my lover (my husband thought I was spending the night at a (girl)friend's house). I had sex with my lover (again!) right before I left for home... and I hadn't even showered. When I walked in the door, my husband told me how much he missed and started to get frisky. !!!

I panicked! All of a sudden my mind started racing, and I was thinking, "OMG, I still have my lover's sent all over me! Will my husband be able to tell? OMG, how in the hell can I have sex with two different people within a couple hours of each other?"

So, for the first time ever, I sort of rejected my husband's advances. I didn't have to say a whole lot or make much too much of an excuse -- he quickly dismissed the idea anyway (thank God!).

But I must say that I'm traumatized. I had just never thought this would be an issue that could come up! And I don't know how to handle it if it comes up again.
HaileyGail82 HaileyGail82
31-35, F
12 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I say u should have gone for it. It would have been dirty and it's true from previous comments he prob smelled a sexual scent on u. Next time embrace it. Trust me it will be hot

As noted before: a bath could solve the problem - perhaps even take it with your husband?

Thank God, you have the nerve to say that. You walk with satin and live in darkness, you are not a true Christian, Get a Divorce, tell your husband the truth, save him and his kids the embarrassment of you.

I would and have always taken a shower before leaving my lovers/playdates place. If time is tight even a simple rag bath is helpfull. Keep some bath items in your auto, use them at a public restroom if needed. Also regarding your comment about just having you lovers sent all over you........not sure if you believe this or not but I think your pheromones post sex were on fire and your hubby picked up on it.

Like many have said DONT PANIC remain calm. Simply say you want to freshen up and you can then get to bussiness. If you are not repulsed by your husband then good for you on having sex in with two people you like if a short period of time. Enjoy it if you can.

I agree don't panic. Chances are he won't notice. He may have liked the way you felt to him after a night of sex with another man. Present your self dirty to him once and then you never need worry again.

If you are in a secret affair then do expect surprises. Dont panic just act normal and try to walk round it.

I think that you should just be strait up with him and say that you have needs and if he is not interested then that is his loss, but he might just find you attractive if he knows that other men do. Lots of men like to know that their wife is considered hot by others.

He knows you're having an affair or he's suspicious of it!

If you acted enthusiastic, he might have thought you were just very excited. : )
Definitely initiate some sex with him soon. Make sure you thank him for the offer of the other day. Keep him interested.

should have gave the hubby some,,,,and just enjoy it,,,

Lesson to learn is to go home with no evidence. Although even if you were clean as a whistle then you'd probably not had been in the mood anyway.

I assume it's unusual for him to instigate but maybe he's noticed a certain spring in your step...

Why should you always give into him when he is not taking care of him. I say just some how push him away. Or maybe you could take a shower with him first and just play it as four play..