Strings Getting Attached, Gotta Run

It's only been a few months and I'm already feeling strong emotions for my affair partner - also married, lives several hundred miles away, but travels to my area for work every few months. We have great sexual chemistry because when we're together, the only thing we care about is giving each other pleasure and enjoying each other's body. It is very carnal and that was all it was supposed to be.

But then the daily chats and email contact - occuring every day since we met in person - are starting to become emotional. I resisted at first and was pretty adament in the beginning to keep it light and save the contact until we see each other in person. But I relented and accepted the constant contact - daily banter, private dirty jokes, sexting and teasing each other, the mutual feelings that we should have met years ago and the silly run through of what if scenarios and then having to purposefully stop ourselves because it is fruitless. He does and says little things that surprise me. While I suspect sometimes that he is keeping me in the wing because I most likely have more viable options, he is honest and earnest and this is wild and irrational but I trust him.

The reality is I know it will only end in heartache.We laid down "the rules" and I feel I'm just waiting for one of us to announce we are going to become a parent. We are both at that crossroad and getting the pressure from all sides. Since I know I have the control in that department, I know it won't be me ending this due to a kid in the picture. Some days I think I should just enjoy it and let it run its course. But the time and effort we make to see each other is overwhelming. We've seen each other monthly and for the distance and circumstances, it is quite an effort but so worth it - until we part ways. Our last encounter, after we parted, I got very emotional - not in front of him - but when I was alone and had time to think. I keep thinking that every time we see each other could be our last time and while I thought I could just turn off emotions like a switch, I could not do it. That day was when I found this site as I knew I didn't want to tell him less I make things even more complicated.

I listen to that song Run by Snow Patrol and it is pretty much our (break up) song. We are to each other the possibility of fulfillment but we are in complex situations. We would get over it but in the whole scheme of things, it is sad to leave a connection that ignites such a fire inside us. It is sad to meet someone who just might make you happy but the timing is so severely off we just have to accept the current path we are on.

Thanks for reading.