I Am Having An Affair
For the past year my weekdays have been brighter and filled with smiles. Until these past few weeks....I am a 29 year old married woman who was being ignored and rejected by her much older husband. I had let my depression get the best of me, and gained weight and didn't take care of my appearance as much. I just didn't feel like I was wanted or desirable when I never got sex or attention from my man.
I ordered something in the mail and HE showed up at my door. Super sexy in that brown, polyester uniform and a knee weakening smile. Well, for the second time that is. I had first met him when I was still living at home with mom and exchanged a few flirts 8 years before. We recognized each other and were reminded of how small a world it was that we would run into each other in a new neighborhood. It wasn't even his usual route. So random. I said bye and that was that. I was supposed to get another few packages the next day, and because of a previous package theft I ALWAYS have to sign. I was busy and got that little sticky note slip notifying me of the first attempt. On that slip was his number. I called to discuss the package innocently, and somehow that turned into flirting through texts. This was attention I had not received in a long time. It was a few weeks of back and forth, discussing how both of our spouses ignored us and just how much more we needed in life.
One day I met him in a neighborhood in his usual route area. I came inside the truck to talk for a second. Somehow we started to kiss and things became super heated fast. Before I knew it my dress was up and his pants undone and he was inside me against the racks in his truck. I had not had sex in over a year with my husband. It was wild and exciting and even a little scary. He obviously liked the "fat girl" he saw, unlike my own man. I was hooked from then on. Every morning he would greet me bright and early by text with a "hello beautiful" or his term of endearment for me "SB", short for sexy beast. lol This went on all day, with back and forth conversations and hilarious banter and sexual flirts. We became great friends. He would ask me to meet him in his area during his breaks and lunches, since he only temporarily had my route those few weeks. We would chat and hold hands and kiss so passionately. I had the most amazing chemistry with him. Seemed like a cruel joke, because that was the only time he could come see me, was when he was rarely within the area during a break. I saw him maybe 4-5 times a month, but we talked every weekday like clockwork.
As months passed my crush and infatuation turned into mixed up feelings of love. I never told him this. He made it clear he was not leaving his boring high school sweetheart and his large family they created in the past 19 years. I was ok with this because I too was married and was not trying to split up my daughter from her dad, or ruin my financial security, being the SAHM I am.
So I would never contact him on the weekends or late at night. We were weekday lovers, and I respected the boundaries. When I did see him, he would kiss me like no one ever had before. It was so electric and addicting to be near him. He was funny and sexy and oh so unavailable. I tried to stuff my conscience and reason away and justified my slight guilt about cheating on my husband, and being the other woman. We were filling the gaps our spouses had neglected to, and had a ton of fun talking each day. This I think is the hardest part to get over now. The emotional connection happened a lot more than the physical did, due to scheduling conflicts and him not being able to come see me. He would say goodnight every night around 6 and I looked forward to the next morning when I would hear his text tone come across.
Months passed and my confidence grew. I started working out and dressing up more. I was becoming confident because this man thought I was worthwhile and beautiful, at least part of his day. I knew he was going home to HER and it stung a but, but having part of him was better than not at all. I hid this from everyone, even my mother who I told everything. The secret and the creep was part of the excitement. I would dress up in lingerie and send him pics often. He made me feel so sexy and strong again.
When we had sex, it was the best of my life. Such an exciting blend of passion, electricity and of course some dirty kink. I felt alive again.
These past months he still contacted me regularly but I felt like he was not making as much effort to come see me or have me come steal a quick kiss on his 15 minute breaks. I was always patient and tried not to nag about missing him. He recently told me his "confession". That his relationship with his wife was "waaaaaayyy different" than from when we first met, and he can't take the guilt of being with me anymore. Talk about dropping a bomb. Felt like my guts were ripped out. Like I was mourning a death. The death of the passion I lacked in my own marriage. The death of a strong and laugh filled friendship in the sick sense of humor we both shared. I knew from the start when he pursued me and I was back and forth about being unfaithful for the first time ever, that it might end badly...but the way I felt each time he texted me made me forget about reason. I am having a hard time coming to terms that he does not want me anymore. I am angry and mostly just devastated. I know some may look at me as a "homewrecker" but I never thought this would go on for so long. I don't know how to stop the longing for my daily text companion and friend, and am trying to find strength in my daily routine. He still messaged me after telling me that, saying he could not just go cold turkey without talking to me, basically ripping off the bandaid. Saying he will always care about me and want me, but he has to be the dutiful husband. She is conservative and boring and I know he won't stay content for long. The thing is, he was my first infidelity, but he had past flings with other women before me. Yeah I know....red flag. :( I know he will get bored with his life and miss me. I need to stay strong and hopefully I will stop wanting to text him or hear his text tone startle me and cause my heart to race. I fell for him hard, and I am so angry I let this happen. I love him. Any words of advice are welcome. Please no bashing, because its the last thing I need to hear. I just feel like crying all the time and of course I have to internalize it all.
I ordered something in the mail and HE showed up at my door. Super sexy in that brown, polyester uniform and a knee weakening smile. Well, for the second time that is. I had first met him when I was still living at home with mom and exchanged a few flirts 8 years before. We recognized each other and were reminded of how small a world it was that we would run into each other in a new neighborhood. It wasn't even his usual route. So random. I said bye and that was that. I was supposed to get another few packages the next day, and because of a previous package theft I ALWAYS have to sign. I was busy and got that little sticky note slip notifying me of the first attempt. On that slip was his number. I called to discuss the package innocently, and somehow that turned into flirting through texts. This was attention I had not received in a long time. It was a few weeks of back and forth, discussing how both of our spouses ignored us and just how much more we needed in life.
One day I met him in a neighborhood in his usual route area. I came inside the truck to talk for a second. Somehow we started to kiss and things became super heated fast. Before I knew it my dress was up and his pants undone and he was inside me against the racks in his truck. I had not had sex in over a year with my husband. It was wild and exciting and even a little scary. He obviously liked the "fat girl" he saw, unlike my own man. I was hooked from then on. Every morning he would greet me bright and early by text with a "hello beautiful" or his term of endearment for me "SB", short for sexy beast. lol This went on all day, with back and forth conversations and hilarious banter and sexual flirts. We became great friends. He would ask me to meet him in his area during his breaks and lunches, since he only temporarily had my route those few weeks. We would chat and hold hands and kiss so passionately. I had the most amazing chemistry with him. Seemed like a cruel joke, because that was the only time he could come see me, was when he was rarely within the area during a break. I saw him maybe 4-5 times a month, but we talked every weekday like clockwork.
As months passed my crush and infatuation turned into mixed up feelings of love. I never told him this. He made it clear he was not leaving his boring high school sweetheart and his large family they created in the past 19 years. I was ok with this because I too was married and was not trying to split up my daughter from her dad, or ruin my financial security, being the SAHM I am.
So I would never contact him on the weekends or late at night. We were weekday lovers, and I respected the boundaries. When I did see him, he would kiss me like no one ever had before. It was so electric and addicting to be near him. He was funny and sexy and oh so unavailable. I tried to stuff my conscience and reason away and justified my slight guilt about cheating on my husband, and being the other woman. We were filling the gaps our spouses had neglected to, and had a ton of fun talking each day. This I think is the hardest part to get over now. The emotional connection happened a lot more than the physical did, due to scheduling conflicts and him not being able to come see me. He would say goodnight every night around 6 and I looked forward to the next morning when I would hear his text tone come across.
Months passed and my confidence grew. I started working out and dressing up more. I was becoming confident because this man thought I was worthwhile and beautiful, at least part of his day. I knew he was going home to HER and it stung a but, but having part of him was better than not at all. I hid this from everyone, even my mother who I told everything. The secret and the creep was part of the excitement. I would dress up in lingerie and send him pics often. He made me feel so sexy and strong again.
When we had sex, it was the best of my life. Such an exciting blend of passion, electricity and of course some dirty kink. I felt alive again.
These past months he still contacted me regularly but I felt like he was not making as much effort to come see me or have me come steal a quick kiss on his 15 minute breaks. I was always patient and tried not to nag about missing him. He recently told me his "confession". That his relationship with his wife was "waaaaaayyy different" than from when we first met, and he can't take the guilt of being with me anymore. Talk about dropping a bomb. Felt like my guts were ripped out. Like I was mourning a death. The death of the passion I lacked in my own marriage. The death of a strong and laugh filled friendship in the sick sense of humor we both shared. I knew from the start when he pursued me and I was back and forth about being unfaithful for the first time ever, that it might end badly...but the way I felt each time he texted me made me forget about reason. I am having a hard time coming to terms that he does not want me anymore. I am angry and mostly just devastated. I know some may look at me as a "homewrecker" but I never thought this would go on for so long. I don't know how to stop the longing for my daily text companion and friend, and am trying to find strength in my daily routine. He still messaged me after telling me that, saying he could not just go cold turkey without talking to me, basically ripping off the bandaid. Saying he will always care about me and want me, but he has to be the dutiful husband. She is conservative and boring and I know he won't stay content for long. The thing is, he was my first infidelity, but he had past flings with other women before me. Yeah I know....red flag. :( I know he will get bored with his life and miss me. I need to stay strong and hopefully I will stop wanting to text him or hear his text tone startle me and cause my heart to race. I fell for him hard, and I am so angry I let this happen. I love him. Any words of advice are welcome. Please no bashing, because its the last thing I need to hear. I just feel like crying all the time and of course I have to internalize it all.
By:
FindingPower29
Age:
26-30
12
responses
