My Affair...With A PastorWhile I was married I had several affairs. The one that sticks with me and I'm still continueing, eats at me day and night. Two years ago I met a man online. He sought me out and we chatted and decided to meet. After seeing him three times he told me he wasn't built for this so I let him go and left it at that. Not more than 24 hours later he messages me to tell me he missed me and wanted to see me again. I thought whatever I just want the attention I wasn't getting at home afterall, it was just sex.
He told me he was a music producer and staying with his cousins and to come over to their home to see him because he they were out of town. I never believed his story about being a music producer to begin with. I met him at their home and as I left I memorized the address. After a day of digging I found him. The house he took me to was HIS home. It turned out he was a Music Pastor at a HUGE local church. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Oddly, one fantasy of mine was to "be" with a pastor but it was only a fantasy. I never thought it would come true. Throughout the rest of my digging I found out his wife was pregnant with their third child. Seriously, who cheats on their pregnant wife? After that night at his home we didn't see eachother for a couple of months and then out of the blue he wants to see me again. Knowing who he was I still went because sadly the sex was really good and I thought I could over look what I had found out. I finally told him two months later that I knew who he was. However, he still wanted to see me. Weird, but ok. I am currently still seeing him two years later. What love for God I did have has completely crumbled to the ground. I can't go to church without thinking about him in front of his congregation preaching what he doesn't follow. I want to break it off but I have become addicted to him and part of me wants him to choose me but I do know that will never happen. How can he do what he does on a weekly basis and still see me? Part of me wants to confront him and tell his wife because once I do end it completely I don't want him seducing someone more naive than me. I just don't know anymore. I feel lost and confused. Sometimes pain is the only way we learn.