My Affair Frees Me

life is a complicated place. I live in a world like yours, with a best friend that I feel the same about. I am married - he is in a relationship with the mother of his 6yr old daughter. Truth is that neither of us chose our partners as a second choice. We both love our partners just as much but the relationship between us is something we never knew existed until we experienced it.



We don't have a long term plan. We hold back on a physical level but it would be naive of us to pretend we aren't what we are. 5 years is a long time and we have tried time apart and distance and all the recommendations of leave the 2nd relationship to explore the first but the reality is that although it is not the conditioned status quo of society, what is wrong with our relationship? We love each other. We honour our relationships and the commitments we made earlier to our meeting each other with sincerity and love.



We don't see each other as often as we'd like. sometimes it is 3 times a week, sometimes it is once a month. truth is no matter where he is or what is happening, I know he loves me. I know he cares about me and misses me. I also know that I am a good person who was raised to honor the commitments I make. I love. I am loved and While how I feel about him is unsaid in my home life, I am open about times I see him or spend time and my husband doesn't ask questions.



Truth is, I genuinely don't believe that there should be no secrets in a relationship, I believe privacy and trust are big things. I trust my husband that his secrets are for the best of his personal self and ask only that he tell me if he no longer loves me. I give the same in return.



There may come a time when our marriage no longer works and there may come a time when our time together may not have to end but realistically, impatience will only speed up irrelevant decisions, that are un nessersary for us to make at the moment. I honor the physical aspects of my marriage by not having sexual relations with my best friend, but I do kiss him. We have a beautifully intimate relationship where a touch is appreciated fully and it is as deep as it could be even if we were sexual. Communication is the focus. Where as my home life is a fun younger relationship based on sexuality for intimacy, he is less skilled at communication but is a very kind loving man as well.



I just consider that at this moment in my life, I am very blessed. People will judge heavily, and have in the past but this is my life. I don't judge the illusion that is your marriage don't judge mine just because it scares you. My truth is my own and I have learned to love and accept love in return. I call that blessed.

don't know why i don't go the path of perfect fulfillment. love the wife but the woman I had an affair with is my soulmate. Maybe I'm a coward. We have this one life and opportunities come and go. It's up to us seize those opportunities for a life of happiness and fulfillment. Why the hell is it so hard to just be with the one we're meant to be with.

im in a very similar place. i know you must get a lot of advice (such as in these comments) that tell you to divorce your husband but apparently its not that simple for you- for me either. i will tell you the conclusion ive come to in my own situation, not that ive successfully executed this yet, mind you, and perhaps this is something that could work for you as well. i truly believe that you have to stop seeing the friend and devote yourself fully and completely to the marriage. that is the only way youll be able to find out if the marriage is inherently unsatisfying or if your friend is just complicating the matter. if you are without your friend and you still cant be fully happy with your husband you will be better able to leave your marriage (if that is the right decision for you) bec you wont feel scandalous and as wracked with guilt for the turmoil you will cause - you will be able to see it truly as an act of self preservation (if that is what it is) and not one of selfishness. if you dont do this, you will continue to live in two worlds, which is just no way to live. and you will never feel complete or whole in either one. you may eventually leave your husband for your friend but even then you might have serious misgivings towards your friend - i know for me, the guilt, shame, and pure heartache associated with losing my wonderful husband and my marriage would forever mar the relationship i can potentially have with my friend.



whatever you do, i wish you luck and peace and contentment in all of your decisions. just remember, everyone deserves happiness, and everyone deserves a marriage full of deep friendship and passion and chemistry. i hope you find everything you deserve.

ur ******* the the dude--and u enjoy the **** and the pleasure he brings u---why not bring in a girl with ur husband and have a mfm thing going--so u can keep ******* ur lover on the side w/o him knowing

dont stay in a relationship that isnt giving you what you need, if you have children, they are resiliant and will cope, I stayed with my husband, trough thick and thin, and now i really, really regret it, we have a desolate marriage, no sex, never do anything together, i am finding it harder and harder to stay, but i cannot now see a way out, having an affair gives some respite to this bleakness, but can never ever replace a real fulfilling relationship, dont end up like me

I feel so deeply how you feel. I feel as though my friend and I are so suited for one another. He meets me on an intellectual level, and emotional level. I love my husband, and refuse to leave...I cannot explain it. I love to write, and usually have no problem putting my feelings into words, but I cannot explain the logic behind any of this. And I think that is why I am so caught up.

I'm with you sadgrl... I am having an affair right now also and it is a truly exhilerating experience. Dont' feel bad, especially if your husband is not giving you what you need... my husband doesn't have ANY interest in sex - so you have to do what you have to do!!!

I am asking this question allot I guess.. After posting my experience... I kinda wanna hear others points of view. In your case it sounds like you found someone that makes your life a joy. ...so... what is keeping you married? kids? social pressure? Why do you feel like you need to be depressed and stuck in your marriage instead of building a new life?



Just wondering....



in my situation I feel the need to break my marriage for happiness.

-d

Thank you for ur support (i guess) lol....what do you think is really keeping you from enjoying life to the fullest? fear of getting caught maybe? what others might say? or hurting the one person that has also devoted their life to you?

I think of these things all so often but you know what....I can't help but feel as if I belonged in both places! at my boyfriends and at home with my husband!