Never Imagined I Wud Have An Affair and Enjoy It So Much

hi all, 10wks ago i was going out on a girls night and had a massive row with my partner of 9yrs. The first 6yrs of our relashionship were awful and people ask me all the time why i stayed with him. he became addicted to drugs and left me whilst i was pregnant and smashed my home up on many occassions. The police were constantly called because we have small children and he would turn up trying to kick the door off. But still i always took him bak, mainly for our son who would say he hates me when i would not let him in. After the birth of our final child all of a sudden he changed, we got our own place together and he stopped going out. We never argue and he is always complementing me and trying to be intimate. Problem is i cannot get over what he put me through at such a young age, (now 26). But despite this i keep the peace at home for the sake of the children and plod along but also have made sure i have great friends around me and are doing a university course. My partner smokes and drinks beer everyday but does not get drunk or cause any problems. Anyway, this girls night out i was going on turned into me getting drunk because we had had an argument (about me going out). During the whole of our relashioship he has constantly accused me of cheating, which i have never done. This particular night he started with the accusations again, so when drunk i actually come onto a guy i took a liking too. This is so out of character for me and don't get why i did this. One thing led to another and after he gave me his number. Before i got home i chucked it away because of the guilt i was feeling. Two weeks later i went out again and he was there again and we had a conversation and he ended up telling me he was with someone and i told him my situation. 10 wks later and we are still seeing each other every sat night. Problem is sometimes i text him and he does not reply but by mid week he texts me, i have asked him about this and he says his partner keeps looking at his phone, so she must suspect something. He has said he really likes me but does not want to lose his daughter, i said i don't want my children to lose their dad, but knowing i am seeing him on the wkend gets me through the week. I just don't understand how after my partner has changed so much i have done this to him, when when he was really bad to me the thought never entered my head. Also we have both said its just a bit of fun, but whats the difference between a bit of fun and an affair???
lizzy261982 lizzy261982
5 Responses Mar 23, 2009

I honestly believe that you will eventually get caught. If you aren't feeling sorry or guilt about cheating, then maybe you should end your marriage and move on

Just a word of advice from my own experiences. I'ts totally cool that you are having some fun and it sounds like you really need it. If having an affair is something that you are considering for the long term you might want to search out someone else. If your current lover is already under suspicion it puts you at a higher risk of being discovered as well. There are plenty of married/attached men out there who can commit to an affair within reason that are very capable of not being discovered. Choose wisely and it can be a very rewarding experience. Best of luck to you!

thanx for ur comments everyone, think i am just going to see how it goes because i know he is feeling really guilty. I thought i would feel guilty and am shocked that i don't. just think if me doing this is going to enable me to get through the week with my partner for the sake of the children then i am going to carry on for as long as i can. i never ever imagined that i would do anything like as my dad cheated on my mom and know how much it hurt her when she found out. i just hope i don't get caught.

Well from what I hear when one partner accuses the other of having affairs when they haven't, eventually they do end up having the affair. Plus with the way he used to treat you maybe this is a way of getting revenge. I'm sure you don't think "I'm getting revenge" but maybe subconciously that's what you're doing. And since you're not willing to be intimate with him you've got to get it elsewhere.

Lizzy - only you can know what is right. {hugs} Do what makes you feel comfortable. Personally - I say if this is something that you need right now, then you do it. Be safe - protect yourself, USE protection. :)