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My Affair Is Great

Yes, I am having an affair! I don't care if you judge me, I'm going to continue to be who I am, you may not understand my reasons or care to, but they are mine just as much as my choice to have my affair. I am sleeping w/ my best friend because my husband ignores me & we haven't shared a bed in 5 yrs. Damit I'm tired of being lonely. My b/f understands me & my needs & well, it works for us.
luvitruff73 luvitruff73 31-35, F 19 Responses Sep 3, 2007

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Right on sister. Here is a quote: Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field - I'll meet you there.

Maybe Rumi didn't mean it about affairs but it seems to fit for yours and mine.

Having an affair is usually a conscious decision. There're always reasons. My reason is simply I'm wayward. I have a husband that many women would dream of. He's very loving, kind, supportive, good looking, successful, intelligent, hard working generous and well educated... I can go on and on. The only issue was he cheated on me twice and I felt unbalanced. I have guy I really like but never have fun with him but my husband has had his fun twice but he hasn't told me to try out mine even after I have brought up the topic of open marriage.

It's hard to judge who is right or wrong. Every marriage has its issues..

Do you think you'll take your close friendship with this other guy to the next level eventually?

I didn't really start enjoy life until I started having an affair. Then my husband found out about it. He wasn't mad enough to leave me though, he wasn't really mad at all so I took this as the open invitation to continue with it- and had 4 more affairs. He found out about those too. He's still not MAD but our relationship is definitely weird now.

Why don't you get a divorce if your husband is so bad? Unless, I suppose, by "I'm going to continue to be who I am" you mean a deceitful liar, which you wouldn't be able to be if you were honest about your feelings and sought a divorce.

i agree. My wife also had an affair. We have fixed our marriage and are very happy together again. But many like you are riding the stability your spouse is providing at home to go experience the fountain of youth elsewhere. Your spouse is paying the tab. My wife thought she was having a ball until she realized i didnt really care anymore and was on the same path to my own affair. when she realized it was gonna gonna cost her something,,,ie,,,her marriage and family, the whole thing lost its punch. Your husband will find out, and when he does, what will you want? My hunch is that you will want to stay married. If so, break it off now because you have no idea the pain that is coming if you keep going. My advice to spouses of partners who wont break off contact with someone is to throw him/her out of the house and stand by it. Tell em you will talk when they can look you in the eye and say its over...Most people in affairs love the feeling until its time to pay up, then suddenly it loses its appeal.

As someone who's wife has had an affair, I certainly understand how someone can grow dissatisfied with a marriage and seek satisfaction outside. But what people in that situation don't typically understand is their role in their own dissatisfaction. No judgment here, but really - would your marriage be sexless if you gave as much care and attention to your spouse as you give to your boyfriend? Not many people are able to be honest, even with themselves, about this crucial question. Too many justifications have already been lined up, spinning reality in protection of their self image, to have a fair view of their marriage any more.<br />
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One other thing that is typically missing in someone having an affair is empathy for the spouse. When he discovers the affair, even if the two of you have been unhappy, it will probably be the single most devastating experience of his life. If you are so unhappy with him and so righteous in your deception that you are willing to destroy him emotionally, then by all means go ahead and do it. Realize what this means about yourself, however - sit back and ask "What kind of a person would do such a thing? Am I that kind of person?" If you are determined to continue your relationship with your boyfriend but retain some respect for your spouse as a person, ending the marriage instead of cheating is always the more honest and respectful way to go, and less damaging to a man who currently still trusts you (... maybe).<br />
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You also sound disappointed that the two of you are not closer, perhaps thinking that he does not know or understand you or is unwilling to meet your needs. Clearly, he's still meeting some of them, otherwise you would already have walked: "... it works for us" actually means "... it works for me," which means you have some reason to return to your husband when the tryst is over. As a last little tip, your spouse is never going to meet the rest of your needs unless you are open and honest with him about what those are. Don't kid yourself about having done that - if you're deceiving him about your affair, you aren't being open and honest with him about anything else, either. Again, no judgment, the choice is all yours. You just need to think clearly about what you are choosing to be, and decide whether you want to be an honest person, or not.

As someone who's wife has had an affair, I certainly understand how someone can grow dissatisfied with a marriage and seek satisfaction outside. But what people in that situation don't typically understand is their role in their own dissatisfaction. No judgment here, but really - would your marriage be sexless if you gave as much care and attention to your spouse as you give to your boyfriend? Not many people are able to be honest, even with themselves, about this crucial question. Too many justifications have already been lined up, spinning reality in protection of their self image, to have a fair view of their marriage any more.<br />
<br />
One other thing that is typically missing in someone having an affair is empathy for the spouse. When he discovers the affair, even if the two of you have been unhappy, it will probably be the single most devastating experience of his life. If you are so unhappy with him and so righteous in your deception that you are willing to destroy him emotionally, then by all means go ahead and do it. Realize what this means about yourself, however - sit back and ask "What kind of a person would do such a thing? Am I that kind of person?" If you are determined to continue your relationship with your boyfriend but retain some respect for your spouse as a person, ending the marriage instead of cheating is always the more honest and respectful way to go, and less damaging to a man who currently still trusts you (... maybe).<br />
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You also sound disappointed that the two of you are not closer, perhaps thinking that he does not know or understand you or is unwilling to meet your needs. Clearly, he's still meeting some of them, otherwise you would already have walked: "... it works for us" actually means "... it works for me," which means you have some reason to return to your husband when the tryst is over. As a last little tip, your spouse is never going to meet the rest of your needs unless you are open and honest with him about what those are. Don't kid yourself about having done that - if you're deceiving him about your affair, you aren't being open and honest with him about anything else, either. Again, no judgment, the choice is all yours. You just need to think clearly about what you are choosing to be, and decide whether you want to be an honest person, or not.

spread the mwide baby--keep ******* ur lover--let him *** inside of u and in ur ****--just remember--if ur hubby starts ******* a hottie on the side--dont complain--if ur lover leaves u--dont *****--

thank god ive found others like me i was beginning to think no one else did wot im doing and loving every minute with 'him' The yearning, insecure feelings in between not so good but thats the price i pay for loving him and staying married to someone else.

If you have no kids leave your husband - why prolong the agony unless you like the "sneaking around" factor

I know exactly how you feel...stay happy...it's your life to live and you need to do what's right for you...

Ever notice the godhatesyou person has no circle, no interests, nothing?

God hates you -- such a judgmental jerk off. Mutually linked finances, kids, property, etc. all make leaving a marriage less than easy. Why the Hell should it be the end all, be all if someone needs some sex? <br />
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If things progress to a place where it is more than sex, then, yeah, a decision must be made. but life is gray -- not black and white.

luvitruff, you aint doin nothin wrong. just carry one with what makes you feel good.....life too short no to enjoy

luvitruff73- I'm happy for you. I've been in a sexless marriage for about 20 years. Ten of those years have been completely sexless, although the sex before that was infrequent and I often had to beg for it. I was put on antidepressants for a number of years until I finally figured out that it wasn't me. What has made things worse is that I've approached two different male friends and got turned down by both of them! I think I'm just doomed to live this live of involuntary celibacy! I'm constantly told that I'm attractive, beautiful, sexy, smart- I just feel like a reject! I miss the touch of a man, soul kissing, passion... someone asked in one of the post why we stay this kind of situation. My reasons are simple: kids, finances, and I'm scared. But I'm so miserable that I could explode! Particularly after this last "friend" turned me down. I feel like such a loser! So, don't let anyone tell you what's wrong or right. What your husband is doing is abusive. I do think, however, that in the long-run we have to work through this situation; an affair is a bandaid. Aside from leaving your husband, I'm sure you've gotten other advice, such as discussing an open marriage or couples counseling. We tried the couples counseling several times to no avail. I now see a therapist on my own. Anyway, good luck and follow your own gut feeling.

After twenty five years of marriage, a wife who's "grown up and moved on...have absolutely no interest in that stuff anymore..." I'm starting to look for someone to have an affair with. The woman I want to be with is a former workmate whom I known for about 16 years and she's in a similar situation. We actually hooked up and started kissing and petting when she pulled away and said "don't you think being naked together is going to be weird?" and that was that for the moment. When we next met, she said that she wasn't ready right now but the day will come. In the meantime, I'm looking for someone to have an affair with, which is extremely difficult for me since I tend to be extremely loyal to friends, family and work. My other difficulty is that she physical abandonment has severly damaged my self-esteem, but it's coming back the more I realize that this is not a unique situation. The other difficulty is that I no longer have any idea on how to approach women but I guess that will come with time and practice. I've come to the conclusion that she's not willing to even consider filling this portion of my needs and that it's her problem, not mine. I wouldn't have thought this a couple of years ago, but I don't have the slightest sense of guilt now about doing this.

Been down that road too. It feels so f'n good to be with that person, then afterwards you wonder should I have done that? You may even say "Iv'e got to stop". But then at the very next oppertunity you find yourself with them again and the sex is friggin awsome. Sex can be addicting and sometimes it's hadr to use the same drug all the time! Personally I think monagamy is overrated anyway. Why cant we all just be free to ****? If we spent more time doing that, there would be less time to fight.

lucky best friend

why are you still married? whats holding you to a loveless sexless marriage? <br />
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I am in this situation..... kinda... but I don't understand what keeps people in the situation in the marriage? Besides kids... but then again in todays environment I don't know if thats a big problem if the former spouses get along. Just my thoughts...<br />
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-d