I Am Having and Affair

And enjoying every second we can find together. We are both married and happily, its just that neither of our partners is interested in sex. My lover and I both have a great time, not just sex, but picnics, walks, spa clubs and booking hotel rooms 40 miles from where we live.

Neither of us would ever leave our partners, we just needed something else and luckily we found it. We are very discreet luckily neither hubby or lover knows each other and I can really keep both relationships separate.

We have now been seeing each other for 4 months. I am scared that he will soon say he has had enough of me. It is getting near Christmas which is family time and am thinking he will wake up to what we are doing and call it a day. I am trying not to be clingy or demanding with him, but can not help how I feel about him. He says I make him alive and that I am fabulous, he sends me on average 80 texts or emails a day plus the odd phone call. So maybe I am worrying about nothing.

So fingers crossed everybody, that we will still be together after Christmas. I think if we survive the family season we will be ok. I now look more forward to seeing my b/f than I do to my husband returning from a business trip. This is scary and new territory for me.

Is there anyone else out there who is having an affair and this is their first Christmas? Have you any concerns about this festive season? Or have any other concerns about your affair?

Gil Gil
41-45, F
15 Responses Sep 13, 2007

Have you ever noticed when you are doing something you are not supposed to be doing there is alot of fear?

The one thing that stands out to me is that you say that you are both happy in your marriages, when its obvious by your words that you are not. How can one be happy in a relationship when one still wants sex and the other does not. This is not happy, and the reason you started an affair in the first place.
I can't give you answers, but you may find them yourself, if you are willing to look at the reality of your marriage instead of living in denial.
As for your lover? Now that you have feelings for him, you have started down a slippery slope. It's going to hurt...eventually...it's already started because you are asking these questions. I feel for you, I really do because its going to get worse, and you have to make some tough decisions.

you need understand in this affair u can not get emotionally involved, and u can not let it get between ur family lives, in my story when it comes to week ends, holidays etc I don't communicate that much with the other guy, I am with my family and he is with his and nothing else matters, never ever let ur affair get in the way of family life, that's wrong, url wna have fun do it in ur own time

My mistress is single now, after a divorce in marriage. their divorce is not because of me but unconsoluible differences in their marriage. I have been listening to her marriage problems for 10 year so it is not a big surprise that it happen. My mistress is now looking at other guys too and this may change our relationship, oh well, have fun while you can.

i had affair for seven years i lived with the wrong man.i tryed and tryed to make a go of it with the boyfriend as iv two kids which are mine.however over the years the pain misery living a lie and with the wrong man nearly cost me my life i was very ill.only this year did i think to myself im human i must be free to love who i wish .one should never comment on what other should do none of us no until we faced with it

dont be so hard on yourselves everyone, u are after all, only human.... and with the rare exceptions, most humans, aftr awhile, become either bored with their partner, or not getting none at all... we humans need comfort and the need to feel content, after awhile, many marriages, including my own, become docile, same old routine, and u meet someone who lights your fire.... sometimes an affair isnt a bad thing, as long as u can keep it discreet.... dont throw it in their face, and dont leave or abandon your mate, but do what u must.... my fire went out in my marriage long ago, only reason we are together is finances.... my in laws marriage has been long dead, and my wifes mother, is miserable too, until we started sleeping together, this woman is my love and passion now, we love each other dearly and our sex is amazingly exquisite....

im also having an affair and i cherish every minute of it. we both married but its those little thing that makes me intrigued to him we chat the whole day through smses phone calls which i dont get from my hubby who's a control freak about everything.but those i luv & missing you texts just makes me feel special. im glad i have joined in this group where i can open up about my affair.

How did you meet your partner? Are you geographically close to each other? I reconnected with a schoolmate on FB and we carry on a cross country affair.

I am having an affair - have been for just over a year now. We are both married, our partners know each other and I work with his wife. Oh how tangled it is! There are many times when I truly wish I'd never started it, but I love him now. When it began I thought I could control it and that he wouldn't mean anything to me but he has come to mean oh so much more than I ever thought he would. He loves me deeply too. Neither of us is willing to end our marriages at the moment, me more so as I have young children. He loves my kids and they love him so that's not an issue, but my husband is aware that we are "friends" and is deeply jealous of our friendship. He is not aware how far things have gone. It's so hard, sometimes I want to end cause I can't stand the stress but I just can't do it. I've fallen too hard - I shouldn't have fallen in the first place! This is my first affair after 23 years of marrige. Sometimes I don't think I know myself at all..........

i hate to say this ,, but i had an affair for many years ,, everybody will have the same feeling , he or she is my soul mate i cant believe how good it is , exciting , they know just what i want , no one has ever made me feel this way before ,, on and on and on , but at some point you will begin to feel guilty if you dont already ,,, that guilt will grow and grow until you cant even stand yourself anymore , the affair will go on ,,, and on ,, and the feelings you have for this other person are not real , believe me not real at all , if your affair is exposed to anything it will not work no matter what ,,, believe me it will not work , if he or she only spends 6 or 7 hours a week with you ,all you have is lust ,, its a huge difference between love and lust ,,, believe me the guilt will eat you up inside and at some point you will have to be honest ,,,, with your partner , the truth shall set you free ,,,, sorry if its negative but believe me it will become negative at some point ,,, and if you want another either divorce your current partner and go have a regular relationship ,, or dont have an affair

christmas was meant for ur family not ur lover--that is not cool--keep ******* him--but make time for ur family---ur becoming selfish--

My affair is about 3 years now. I am engaged and she is married. I wanted her so much. I wanted to marry her before she told me that she is getting married. I was like half dead when she told me she's getting married. I did not spoke to her after she got married. We knew we loves each other.<br />
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Months later, we talked back, and affair started. This affair is not going well and healthy as we are apart. She is in China and me in Canada. I totally out of my mind of not know how to handle this. I love her so much but we do not see each other often. I once flew her in to my country. I met her few time in Beijing. I purposely flew in to see her but told my fiance that it was business trip. Can imagine if she found out I wasn't actually a business trip. Who cares? All I can tell is she is the one in my life. Worth to risk. <br />
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I do wish we could spend more time together in future.

You see... I am new at this... I have been in this affair for only a month... but I have known this person as good friends for 7 years. I feel the same about her... we get along so well... its scary. I cant wait to hear from her as she does me. We see each other each day as possible to squeeze in the time. Once a week or every other week we find longer time to enjoy it. (hot tubbing usually). I wish I had more knowledge... but I can see how many people would get hurt if I ended my marriage... but I feel this deep need... I want her. <br />
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I guess I am being selfish... I know I am. But the love for my wife is gone after she had an affair. I have been carrying on this dual life but I don't know how I would keep doing it for years. THanks for your insight.<br />
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Hi,<br />
<br />
Thank you for asking and showing an interest but<br />
I really dont know what I would do, my friend and I get on so well it is unbelievable. We chat each day from 6 - 12 hours, meet up once per week usually from 6 or 7 hours. Our relationship is getting stronger by the day and we can't wait to see each other again. I don't think we will get found out so will carry on as we are. Who knows what will happen in the future but at the moment we are both managing to balance and live our two lives ok. And are enjoying what time we have together enormously. Too many people would get hurt if we ended our marriages, and we certainly haven't discussed that we will. I expect we would discuss it one day, too soon yet I think. How long have you been in your affair?

gil, So if things got found out...what would you do? I am having an affair but I feel that its because I am not happy in my marriage for awhile now. If it was just for the sex I would be in favor of just keeping it as it is. But for me its so much more.. and I am pushing my life in the direction to end my unhappy marriage. <br />
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Just wondering... how are things going with the affair now?<br />
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