So Very Confused.

I have been in my affair almost a year now.  It has dragged on longer than I meant it to and I am getting more emotionally involved. 


I wrote about this before, but the short story of how we met is that we had a mutual attraction at first sight and I finally approached him. 


We don't get to get together for sex often (which I hate).  However, when we do it is amazing and I can get wet just thinking about it.  He brings out a passion and spark in me I haven't felt for years. 


Emotionally, I knew I loved him a few months after we started talking but I did not want to say it first.  He finally told me he loved me first and I admitted the same.  We talk almost every day and have developed a sort of friendship.  It is hard when he confides in me about problems with his girlfriend, but I just listen.  When he talks of leaving her, I don't say "go ahead, then we'll be together" I just listen.  I don't want to sway his decision either way. 


I act differently around him than I do most men.  I oscillate between acting like I don't care if we see each other or not to spilling my guts about how much I miss him.  I don't know why I do this. 


Anyway, that's my story, for better or worse.

patchworkofmistakes patchworkofmistakes
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 9, 2010

Hi..<br />
My comment may be late looking at the date of when you posted. I guess I am looking for someone who is in a similar situation to me and your story sounds like mine. I do have a question though and I guess if you do not respond I will know the answer and I hope by me asking you this does not cause you any pain.<br />
What happened, what did you decide to do? Are you still having an affair?<br />
I ask this as I have fallen in love with my lover, I did not intend to but it evolved there, it all happened so naturally. I have had other brief affairs but I have not ever felt or come close to the way I feel about the man I am seeing. I am at a point where I can't live without him in my life but having him in my life is so hard also. Sorry, I have just poured out my heart, I really am just wanting to get your experience...thanks

I know that's how I am going to feel. I don't want it to end but I know this can't go on forever.

I'm sorry Laurenrecall. I don't think mine will either. I don't look for either one of us to leave our current situations. If I had know the pain involved in an affair, I would have thought twice. <br />
<br />
I thought it would be some fun intimate times with a man I was attracted to...

Yeah, I must agree. It is still so heady and thrilling, even after almost a year. Sexually, we have so much chemistry. <br />
<br />
God, I want him right now! LOL

LOl, no, I just meant I was hoping to have been strong enough to end it long before now. I really wanted to sleep with him, but now I am too attatched.