Im In Too Deep

i dont know if i can turn away from this all. im having an affair on my husband with my best friend. that is the most stupid thing i could have ever done. an affair is bad enough...but one with my best friend??? i dont know how this all happened. i love my best friend to death...and i love being with him. but i just dont see myself divorcing my husband. i have fought too hard to be with him to just give up. yeah we fight, its hard for us to get along...but i just cant see myself without him.

 the weeks turn into months and im getting deeper and deeper into this. everytime i tell him i love him, everytime i see him, everytime we make love. i dont know what to do. i could never see myself with my friend forever...maybe...but i doubt it. we are best friends..and i love him...but there is too many things about him i couldnt live with.

i just dont know how to get out of this without hurting anyone....including myself.

i love them both. with all my heart. and both of them are crazy about me.

its scary. i have no clue what to do.

nunyahbissnes nunyahbissnes
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Its an amazing feeling to be with someone else someone you are so comfortable with but don't rock the boat just for a life of temporary fantasy. Youobviously love your husband if you didn't you would not be torn up about this. Ask yourself is it worth loosing. Love is just not thrills its also about feeling secured, being respected, knowing that the man you hold at nite was someone you once crazy about. FIND THAT FIRST LOVE that you both shared. Sex in the marriage can be even more exciting than an affair. Its up to you to make the change. The reason an affair looks good is because we live in the initial relationship glamour phase no responsibilities, no accounts, no long terms planning but every relationship reaches this stage so why throw away the road that you traveled already... you breaking a foundation that you and your husband already worked on. REMEMBER happy ever after doesn't exist we make our own happiness. I have been were you are... I had an affair for three years with someone i thought i would die if i walked away from but swt live to tell the tale. PRAY for strength!!!

Would your husband ever let it continue? Knowing it made you happy?

I am glad you shared you post because it reinforces the mutual decision with my best friend to never cross that line. He is so effing hot and I know it would be so easy to go there but what happens after? I don't envy you the position and I wish I could tell you the right decision for you. I can tell you want to stop but you can't because you are afraid you will lose your best friend. I can understand the thought of losing him because that is my greatest fear with mine as well. I love him so much and I fear i will do something to mess it up. Maybe sit down with your friend (who is technically your boyfriend lover) and talk to him about your true feelings. I hope you are able to keep both relationships intact. I can tell from your words you are in pain so if you need an ear I am around.