The Mistress And So Much More....

A friendship turned into an affair. We were smoke buddies and after several months of instant messages at work, it came out that I had a little crush on him. We kissed for weeks, then after months we had sex. I thought it would be something that would end quickly. He was married, was a good guy, 2 small children, I was a moral person, so was he. We realized it was wrong, felt so guilty about it. After a few months, we could not go one day without communicating. I was married and would had hated this happened to me. But I felt things that I'd never felt before. True passion, lust, desire, and yes love. We were/are addicted to each other. He is like a drug, relaxes me, give me inner peace. Calms my soul, my mind my body. I never thought I’d ask him leave his wife because I am the mistress and how is it fair for me to ask this of him. I got pregnant after 1 1/2 and lost the baby after 6 months. I didn’t think I could get pregnant and I am 36, so this was not only a blessing but the most devastating event of my life. It happened 4 months ago. My therapist suggested I ask him to divorce his wife, because I owed it to myself. He said "I’ve thought about it, I don't love her. But I also can't see myself not being there for my boys for breakfast, and come home to them" He has a sense of duty to his children, he is also the type of man that is responsible and I know disappointing his mom, family and friends would be devastating. Do I deserve him, yes. Am I afraid that if he left we would not last? Yes. I am jealous now of a girl that keeps going to his office to chat, and hang out. But in the end I know what I feel and he feels. We tried breaking it off a few times, bc it’s the best thing. We were both physically sick. We looked awful, he didn’t shave, and I didn’t do my hair. So I decided that during my grief, I needed my good feel drug, my friend and my confidant. I know he loves his wife, that's his kid’s mom. But he is in love with me. If you've never experienced love like this then people out there can judge. Honestly, I want another baby; he got me pregnant, the first out of a 10 year marriage and a 2 year relationship. I believe that with my baby (which I want more than anything) I can better deal with him not being with me and only me. We are doing bad things in the eyes of society and the bible but my heart is pure and I believe his is too. I don’t know how it will end but I know in a few months, after I’ve healed from the loss of my baby that I will seek to find one that is available to me. Deep down in my soul I know I won't find another does what he does to me. Sorry guys this is so long, it’s the first time imp writing about it. So to you men out there that really love your mistresses, can it work? Can you marry a true love even if you both started this relationship the wrong way? I have a little hope for us but imp not banking on it. I hurt so badly at the thought of not having him. I swear he's like heroin (I’ve never done it). He is my drug and know deep down the love of my life. I will love again, but not like this.
Souxie Souxie
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 14, 2012

I also was madly in love with my "drug." I loved him so much and our story sounds a lot like yours. I can't tell you what to do because quite honestly you wouldn't listen anyway..I didn't. Being the mistress seems good now but it never fairs well..ever. He's a cheater and if he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you. Even if he doesn't you will always wonder if he is. I loved my MM more than I've ever loved any man I've ever dated. Although the affair is over now I still miss him and think about him all the time. My MM wife found out about us because of his actions and in the end he hated me for ruining his not so fairy tale life. As far as the baby matter I know the desire to have his child but a child needs support from both parents both physical and financially. It isnt fair to you to have to raise the child on your own and you would end up hating him because you do or he'd hate you for making him take his fatherly responsibilities. I know the addiction of this "drug" because after 3 yrs apart I still want and need my fix. We went from best friends and lovers to him hating me for his mistake in just a very short time. So good luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope that you get every thing that you want

This will happen ... watch the series;

MM= new interest=new sex = GONE.
I bet your a beautiful woman, and intelligent, but there is one thing keeping you from living your life ...lies, and he's your best friend/liar rolled into one. My MM was married for 28 years, told me the same BS; "Oh, I never loved her ..." He decided to have 4 kids with her though ...decided to remain married for 28 years; I think this says something. You will never hold the key to this man as long as he's married + with kids (2 huge bonds keeping him there). Take my advice; your wasting your time/years/conception/marriage hopes/etc ... I aborted a child, I understand the pain of loss, but if I would've had a child with him, the both of us (child and I) would be back seat to my past assclown MM's life. Meet a man who's single/available/respectful/truthful/etc .. to give you everything you deserve! Hugs XXX

Wow...good luck, I hope it all works out somehow...