I Miss All Of Him...

I met a wonderful, caring and thoughtful, sexy man.  I knew he was married, but we started off as just friends(work at same place), which lead to alot of harmless flirting at the beginning.  I am recently getting a divorce, which was not a good marriage at all.  And yes, he knew about my divorce.  He let me know that he was not in a happy marriage, and he was very very attractive to me.  The flirting got a little more intense.  Well, not proud of what I did but also dont regret it, actually I have never done this before, but we got together after 8 wks of flirting w/each other and it was a very passionate love making afternoon.  It was so wonderful, I didnt even know that two people could be so in sync w/each other.  Well, to make a long story short, we continue the affair for months, we would meet at a secret place at work to grap a kiss and hug and some conversation.  Oh, after we would have wonderful, amazing sex, we would just lay there and talk. I would tell him that he needed to talk to her about their problem, because he couldnt keep living like he was, and that I wasnt going to be the other woman once my divorce was finale.   Well, he decided to talk to her and told her that they needed a MC, at first she was against it, then when she realized he was serious and he made an appointment for him self, she then agreed to go and that is when he decided, he owed it to his W to give his marriage a chance, really I believe it is mostly due to his kids. (he was always concern on how it would destroy them) Well, that means we have to stop our affair.  He did let me know that he has stronger feelings for me than his W, and it wouldnt be fair to her, because he would be thinking of me.  We had one more time together and it was just amazing, we are so into each other, we connect so well.  He said if it didnt work out w/his W, that what ever we shared and if it met anything, we would find our way back to each other.  Now, here comes the issue...do work w/him, see him quite alot in halls or in passing, he would stop by and say "hello" and we email each other.  Because I asked him not to ignore me or act like we didnt have anything.  So, he kept his word and didnt.  Well, I asked him to meet me at our secret place, cuz I needed to tell him, that we needed to stop making a point to stop by or emailing.  Because my heart was hurting so much for him.  Well, as u can quess, we couldnt keep our hands or lips off each other...the kiss we shared was one of those, that you hold and take in his/her breath.  It was so hard to let him go.  The next day, he saw me and asked to talk to me, but not in our secret place.  So, I listen to what he had to say, and he really cares for me and cares about what is happening in my life, and would like to keep in touch w/me on my life.  He just couldnt walk out of my life completely and I cant do that either.  But we would not ask each other about our personal stuff, because that hurts to much to know.  So, since that day, alot has happen w/me and the divorce.  And I have talked w/him, mostly thru emails.  But I still see him in passing and the way he looks at me and me w/him, I can feel the wantness, if there is such a word.  I just cant seem to let myself forget him, or he is not letting me forget him.  He has told me that if him and his W dont work out, that he would come running for me.  It has only been a 3ks, but seems so long ago, I am wanting him so much and the thought of never having him again just upsets me so.  I know the problem that is making their marriage suffer, and I really cant beleive how someone will change, if they havent wanted it in many years.  But w/a good MC, I quess anything is possible.  And plus, I am really hearing his side and not hers.  I do understand, that he needs to make sure his marriage is over or it could be saved.  From someone that has had a bad marriage, u do need to make sure u have done everything possible to make it work, so when it doesnt, at least you can say, "I Tried".  Does anyone have any advise for me on how to get over him...I truely want to be his friend, because not having him at all would just put a whole in my heart.  You can be brutal to me, I am big girl and I did this to myself.  Thanks for listening...

jaklexboy7 jaklexboy7
5 Responses Mar 6, 2010

I went through the same thing - it lasted 9 months....both bad marriages; I chose to end mnie. He stayed - three kids...but I'm his boss so we are together ALL THE TIME. It is almost two years now since we started; a year since we were last "together" aside from one indiscretion this past February; when we finally realized we had to stop having the emotional affair of staying BFFs - three hour lunches once a week just talking and talking. We still IM daily, are critical to each other's lives but it is horrible painful...to realize you found the love of your life and he is committed to someone else is horrible. I so feel your pain and am so sorry for you. I have to recommend - clean break...avoid him. It will kill you at first but in the long run it is the only way to heal...maybe in time you can be friends again but not yet.

The strange thing about lovers, is sometimes you can become friends once the physical side has ended. And the friendship takes on such sweetness because of past shared intimacies. I don't know the recipe for getting there - it seems to just happen. Mostly because the couple drifts out of the physical but the shared interests and caring that led to the intimacy remain. <br />
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Working together makes it harder - the glances in the hallway, the constant physical presence of each other. I had a lover years ago that I worked with. We drifted away from the physical but remained close friends for years after, maintaining the friendship through other relationships - but we both new the physical was over. So it was different from where you are now. When we were together there was affection and caring, but not what either of us would have defined as love. <br />
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If you truly want to become friends, just friends, with him, you need to avoid the physical with him. No more meeting in secret places, no more glances, no more remembering his touch. You need to move away from the physical, you need to actually shallow out the relationship for awhile - no discussions about feelings, or his MC, or anything personal. <br />
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Shallow it out, then re-build it into something else.

I can imagine this is going to be hard but be strong and eventually you will be able to move on sucumbing to your temptations here will only make it more complicated. Good-luck!

Thank you for ur comment...finding another job, is not possible/smart for me to leave a very good job. So, I quess, I need to go to plan B. Trying to avoid him, which is going to be extremely hard, considering what we both do for a living. In any sense, u r right, I do need to move on w/my life, especially after a terrible marriage that I have had. The only reason I did anything w/this guy in the first place, was because I thought he was safe from any of the 3 C's, no cares, concerns or comment. Had no clue that I would fall for this guy or him for me...One thing I have learned from this, is I will not ever mess w/a marry man again. But at my age, I am afraid that it might be impossible, I have notice men do lie about their marital status quite often. Ok, back to the point of this story, I will try to stop all contact w/him, the key word here is "try", I know he has obligations elsewhere, if it is really meant to happen, then I quess, time will tell. In the meantime, I need to find something or someone to keep me occupied. Wish me luck...

I feel sorry for you. If I were you I would change direction in life. I would look for another job. I know this is harsh but there is no point being in the same circles as this man. If his marrige does not work and you have gotten on with your life which is what you must do then i would say you could have another go. i would highly recommend not sleeping with him again. You must resist the temptations and move into another circle of life. Otherwise you will get in a rut and potentially spend a long time chasing your tail. You must break this cycle, if you cant leave your job then you must cut this person from your world. He has a wife and kids they are paramount unless he leaves them. His heart will always be pulled back to where his home is with his wife and children. i am unsure how old the kids are but no matter what he has created theses lives with his wife and his primary obligation is for the family unit to stay together. Unless he has made the formal decision to officialy leave her and to make you his primary focus then so be it. You are a divorced lady and can now move on with your life clean slate. I wish you luck and merely write my opinion in which case you would need to be strong and disciplined. i ask you to put the needs of his kids and wife before your own...