How to Let Go?

So, I've been with this guy for 8 months and ever since this started we've had a lot of problems, mostly because of this ex girlfriend of 4 years. It's not so much her, but what she did to him, she cheated on him and made him not trust any girl. I understand him and tried helping by being as trustworthy as possible and this helped a little but what didn't help was how rude he was how it was basically what he wanted and how he wanted it. He wouldn't call for 2-3 days and thought that was alright. He would say it shouldn't matter if we don't talk that it wasn't a big deal and I just think a call a five minute call doesn't hurt anyone, he always says that I take little things too serious and that I do this because I am 2 years younger than him but it's not like that I think at 21 I know enough and two years isn't anything, I've always been through a lot but I don't blame him for what other people have put me through or take it on him. So Monday that making it 4 days ago I decided I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't put up with all the stuff he's put me through and so I told him. I guess he thought it was like the other times where I try giving up but miss him so much that I just come back running to him. But this time I want to be serious about it. I want to show him I'm good without him. But how do I do this if he's pretty much everything I think about. I called him yesterday and regretted it so much. Now I'm stuck again!!!

elianaG elianaG
4 Responses Apr 24, 2008

You aren't necessarily stuck on him. You are stuck on being in live with someone. And there is nothing wrong with that. We all want to be loved. Even though it is hard and you are beating yourself up for calling him, forgive yourself and take it one day at a time. You already know that you want and deserve better. You already know that you feel worse when you call him. Good for you for realizing that. Now you just have to bite the bullet and STOP calling him. Everytime you get the urge to call him, call a girlfriend, the weather, a bunch of random, a relative, anyone but him. The only thing that will help you get over him is time. Each day that you do not call gets you further away from him. And that is one day at a time. Stay strong and good luck.

I had the same problem my boyfriend was cheated on and he questioned my every move he wanted me to call him if i was doing anything than being at home i changed to what he wanted me to be and trust me dont im stuck like and the sad thing is that like u i cant let go im to attached is hard but be strong do it for all of us that cant that are to far in you still have the chance dont give up keep yourself busy find refuge on your friends

You are a big girl. Do your own life. Make your own life good. Make it what you like and want. Make a separate list of 'can call friends" in the back of your weekly planner or schedule. A list of your close friends. Follow that with a list of looser friends, acquaintances with whom you call and prearrange to do something fun with. Be secure in yourself. Even married people fulfill themselves, the partner is not responsible for your feelings, thoughts, or insecurities. Give your relationship time to grow and develope. He indicated his need to keep a little bit of distance between you. Respect this. It means he needs room to breathe and grow. Do not assume that he is cheating or is looking to cheat. At the same time, do not allow love to put blinders on you. This balance is hard sometimes. You are both in the age group when careers and adulthood emotional and mental maturation happen. Let yourself happen. You will discover if what you NEED and WANT is daily closeness and a husband whom you do many things with or at exactly what amount of togetherness is enough for you. I love my bf BUT he has to understand that I have to be employed gainfully and that includes downtime from togetherness and conversing. I also need to paint and as a person he needs to respect my needs as I respect his. Better felt than telt, perhaps.

Try your best not to keep your self highly entertained, busy or whatever it takes if you happen to miss step and call him or talk to him play it off as nothing.