Trying To Move On

We were together 4 & half years.  Lived together for 3 years.  He was 18 when he married and stayed married for 18 years only to have his wife leave him for her boss.  I met him only 7 months later.  We have had our issues over our past spouses.  My ex spouse was abusive to me and I'm raising my daughter, who is 14 years old now.  She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 years ago.  Her dad, has all of the signs of a bipolar person.  The stress of my problems was too much for my boyfriend.  He is six foot, six inches and tough as nails.  We were really in love, best friends, and we always knew we would get through anything together.
His boss was married to my boss, (which is how I got the job), and they are now going through a messy divorce.  My boss just fired me, after a year and half.  My ex spouse has ended his 3 year relationship with a girlfriend from HELL.  She was the main culprit of my problems with court, mistreatment of our daughter, harassment, you name it, I've been through it.
I have registered for Nursing school, and expect to start as a C.N.A. in August 2012.  But the stress took its toll on our relationship.  Now my boyfriend won't even speak to me.  We had drifted apart.  As just friends with sex, which was always the BEST.  It is obvious that he has met someone that he is not telling me about.  Before I wrote him a letter of me giving him his space and freedom, I asked him if there was someone he wanted to see, text, date, just to let me know.  We both agreed.  I felt that he didn't hold his end of the bargain up.  In the letter, I thanked him for all that he had done for my daughter, and me.  He was the only man I had ever loved, and that I will always love him, and be attracted to him.  More so than just friends.  I realize that without his space and chance to live his own life, without being in a relationship, he would never be able to commit to anyone.  I've lost 27 pounds in two weeks.  I have cried more than I have ever cried in my life.  I can't believe that now my ex is nice to me, and my boyfriend, whom I love with all my heart, won't speak to me.  I've been praying so hard for God to change his heart.  What I am realizing, is that as I improve my life, and my health, and stay single, that maybe one day when we run into each other, he may spark an interest.  I'm trying to have patience, confidence, motivation to be the best and pass school with flying colors.  We live 3 miles away from each other.  I have not gone by his house one time, nor have I called him.  I plan to find a nursing job in my neighborhood, where I can ride a bike, or walk to work.  I'm trying to stay away from being seen by people in the town, who will testify that I'm looking better than I ever have in a LONG LONG time.  I think my biggest fear, is being alone, and not being loved by someone who I love.

brokeneburch brokeneburch
46-50, F
1 Response May 4, 2012

You are doing the right thing, focus on the things that will impact your life in a positive way. You have your goals and your immediate family to consider. Step away from everyone elses drama as you will only get sucked in and this will burden you with more baggage that you don't need.<br />
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Keep strong and work forward for the positives, you never know you may get swept off your feet by a sexy Doctor.