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I Don't Know What Is Going On With Him

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now, we were high school sweethearts and engaged to be married in 2 years time when I am done college.

Lately he's been acting really strange with random outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere. It always leads to a massive fight where there is yelling, screaming, shoving, hitting and someone usually storms out.

A few days ago we had gotten into a big argument and a few things came up about what annoyed me about him. I told him I was tired of when he gets angry and takes it out on me, when he ignores me for his video games and when he cancels on me when he knows I have my heart set on something to just hang out with his friends. He then freely shared with me that he hates a lot of words and terms I use, he also said that he is tired of listening to me complaining about things that don't concern him, he said if it doesn't concern him then he doesn't want to hear it. This brought the fight to a new level, I told him that I have to listen and care about everything that bothers him in a day but the second I want to share the one thing that ruined my day or a minor thing that ticked me off earlier it becomes something I should keep to myself. He just responded with "I am tired of hearing it." - this was particularly hurtful because I have a social anxiety disorder which makes it hard to open up to people, it took me just over 2 years to start telling him things like that...

Just the other day he had told me he had a meeting at work he had to go to at 8 so he had to be up at 6, I was spending the night over at his place that night and I was a little disappointed that I'd have to wake up with him so early and then have him gone for hours. He seen I was upset and started saying things like "I'll just quit then. You wanted me to have this stupid job but apparently nothing is good enough for you." When I told him I was just disappointed and I had a right to feel that way he stormed off of the bus and walked home. When I went to his house he was throwing things at me and screaming at me. It did get violent and I took the majority of the injuries and it took him an hour to calm down (after trying to break up with me twice), he finally realized what I was saying about how the new took me by surprise and upset me a little.

Then yesterday I was going to my college awards ceremony, I invited him to come with me the day before when I found out I won. He had asked me what he should wear, I told him I didn't know which then made him miserable with me. I told him that no one told me the dress code and I can't find out for him so I didn't know what he should wear. He then ranted on and on about how I never know anything, how I am apparently so smart but can't even make up my mind about what I want him to wear, he told me he didn't want to go with me and stormed out of my house. The next day he called me and apologized, he apparently thought he asked what I had wanted him to wear, not what was he supposed to wear. After me explaining to him that I didn't understand he was asking for my opinion he sucked it up and went.

These are just the most recent examples of his behaviour and they've been happening for months now. It all started after this one event:

A few months ago he had told me to meet him at his house at 1:30. So I showed up at 1, cooked lunch, cleaned up a bit, picked out a good movie and waited for him. Since he wasn't home at 2 I assumed he missed the bus and he wasn't answering his phone, so I continued to wait. When 3:45 rolled around I realized he wasn't coming. So I messaged a few of his friends and one replied "He is spending the day with me, he'll text you back after lunch", when I demanded he call me now his friend told me no. So at 4:15 he called me back, at the point I couldn't restrain myself (I had already been crying for an hour) I told him that I wanted him home now, that I had been waiting all day. Since I was yelling he hung up and called me back. He told me that his friend would drive him home for 5. At 4:50 he turned on his phone and texted me saying he'd be a bit late, I asked why, he called and told me his friend went to WalMart for a new plumbing thing and he had to watch the baby, he'd be home by 7. I bit a piece out of him telling him he could of told me a bit earlier that 10 minutes before he was supposed to be home (it is a 20 min drive). At 6:30 he came into the house and didn't take his shoes off, he told me to get ready cause I was going home. He said his friend was waiting outside to bring him back over, he had come home to prove a point that I cannot control him. I told him that he promised me today and I had waited for 5 hours for him to come home... he didn't care. I ran outside crying and his friend made a comment at me where I screamed "F- Off!". I started walking randomly around town and his friend pulled up beside me and my boyfriend got out telling me I was going to go straight home. I started running away as fast as I could until he gave up and left. I texted him and told him that I was done with our relationship unless he came back, he told me he wasn't. I sat out in the cold crying most of the night, I got to my house around 11. He called me at midnight saying that we're still together and he'd talk things through.

Then the next day I met him at his house at 2, when I came in he sat me down and said start talking. I just cried, I didn't know what to say. He said that if I didn't say anything I might as well go, so I got up and left. I walked a couple blocks and then went back to talk once I cleared my mind, we started talking when a knock came to the door, he came back and told me I had to leave, his friend had come to get him so he can go over to his house. I lost my mind, I threw my keys at him and ran again, they had approached me when I was by a park and gave my keys back, as he left to get into the car across the street I threw them in anger at the sidewalk beside me, his friend then stepped out and I ran for it because I was scared and yelling "Don't touch me" (his girlfriend was yelling to get back in so I thought he was going to do something). They left and went straight to the police station where they reported I intentionally struck him and cut him with my keys and later threw the keys and scratched his friends car (even though they landed no where near it!). I had to talk to the officer over the phone and was told my behaviour was unacceptable and if I went near him again I'd go to jail.

The next day I had written him a 2 page note of everything I wanted to tell him and my plans to make things better. He read the note and then said "We're not getting back together." I cried and screamed and was sick a couple of times, I refused to accept that it was over. He eventually told me that we'd get back together but it had to be in secret because all of his friends hated me. He then informed me that his Facebook status would remain single... he vowed that our next fight would be the end of the relationship. (We've fought several times since).

Since that big event he was fine for a couple of months, but these past few weeks he's just been picking fights with me over ridiculous things. I don't know if he's having a crisis I don't know about, if he is trying to get rid of me or if his mental condition has changed. I've tried everything to please him when he gets grumpy but even if I remain silent and say "I am okay with that." He freaks out because he things I am not really okay with it and secretly hate him...
Jupiterfalling Jupiterfalling 18-21, F 1 Response May 25, 2012

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He doesn't seem to respect you at all, and is self-centered. If he isn't there for you when you need him and is blantantly ignoring you, it might mean you have to end the relationship, even if it hurts. I hope things get better though.