He Has No Respect!

Tonight we were sitting on the couch at my parents house because he wasn't feeling good and I was doing homework. His friend called (if you've seen my posts you know our problems with this friend) and he asked me if he could hang out with him tomorrow, I said I wanted to see him so he told his friend he had to be home by 7.

An hour later he gets a second call. When he hung up he started packing his things to leave, I asked him where he was going, he said to this friends house. I was ready to cry, he was supposed to cuddle with me later until 10 and it was only 6:40. He didn't seem to realize that I was upset and got a bit mad.

I walked him home and explained to him I expected him there for 3 more hours, that never did he mention he was leaving early, he had only gotten there at 4:30! He throws back at me that I've spent every hour with him for the past 2 weeks (which is a complete lie) I've gone at least 5 whole days in the past 2 weeks without seeing him because he had plans, never once fought him about it.

He promised me he would make it up to me, that tomorrow night I could spend the night at his place. I told him I probably wouldn't be able to because if I'll have a lot of homework (busy college schedule tomorrow) and I need the internet at my parents house to do it. He said he'd still make it up to me.

So I was ready to go to bed an hour ago and I texted him just to see what time I was seeing him at. He said 7... I told him that he was supposed to be home at 7 before he ditched me and he promised me he'd make it up to me. He claimed he never said he'd originally be home at 7, he said I wouldn't see him tomorrow at all originally....

This is when the fight started. He started claiming that I never let him see his friends (he's had 3 sleepovers with his other friends this past week) and that he's seen me every hour he is not working for the past 4 weeks this time! He went on to say how he has to learn to stick up to me because I am controlling. (I know this is what his friend believes) He brought up this time in March where we broke up (his friend was in the middle of it) and said that he did everything he could to spend as much time with me as he could to keep me happy.

I started crying at my computer because I couldn't believe he was throwing this in my face, he always told me he loved spending time with me and apparently it's been an act all this time to shut me up. I told him I wanted him to admit he promised me 7, to stop pretending like I was making it all up to control him (figured this is what he was doing for appearances to his friend), he refused and kept on saying he was logging off.

I finally got him to admit that he'd come home early if I couldn't stay the night. I had to tell him that I'd only get to see him for 3 hours and he'd just be miserable with me, so I'd be the only one truly upset and therefor nothing was made up for at all!

He ended with saying that he loved me and I was so upset i told him to not bother saying that after what he threw in my face. I shut off my computer and hoped he texted me with an apology or something. Half an hour later I sucked it up and texted him that when we talked he was not to throw ridiculous things that he does for me (not at my request) and lies about enjoying in my face. He then responded with a "But you aren't allowed to cry" I tried to make a joke but he only swore back at me...

I kept on trying to keep it light but he still seemed really hostile towards me. 10 minutes after I sent my last message he told me to have sweet dreams and try to do my work really fast at school so he can see me... which only made me cry because that was the nicest thing he said to me for hours.

I am so tired of how this friend changes him, everything turns upside down and I become the most controlling girlfriend in the world. I could let him spend all the time in the world with his other friends but if I don't let him spend one day with this one after that... he forgets I let him cancel on me to see his friends, he turns into the meanest guy in the world and I believe his friend is pulling the strings.

He hasn't seen this friend in months and he finally started mentioning how he always goes and visits his friends when his friend wants but when he needs help his friend isn't reachable... I was hoping he'd realize his friend was using him but all it took was one phone call and an invite over.

I even tried telling him he doesn't need to spend so much time with him at once. When he goes over he goes for the night plus most of the following day. I told him he could go over for supper or for a short visit whenever he wanted to, but I wasn't going to be fine with being cancelled on for 24 hour - sometimes 3 day periods at the last minute for his friend.

We've gone so long without a fight, 2 months actually (which is about equal to the time he's spent away from his friend) so it is strange that the night his friend wants to hang out he just ditches me and causes a big fight all over again.
Jupiterfalling Jupiterfalling
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 10, 2012

I would really try to communicate in a calm and open matter that you feel like his friend is creating a wedge between you two. Don't say that he IS, say that you FEEL that way, there is a difference. I would say; "Hey hun, I don't mean to upset you... but I feel like your friend his creating tension in our relationship. I feel like he steals you from me and then puts bad thoughts in your head just because he doesn't like me, and whenever you don't hang out with him, we're fine.", and then ask what to do from there.<br />
I would not, however, make an ultimatum right off the back, i.e, "Get rid of your friend or I'll break up with you".<br />
I don't know how good communication is between you two, so this is the best I can come up with :/ Good luck dear!

I wish it were that easy. Anything involving this friends sets up a defensive wall that turns into an attack on me and my demands.

I made an ultimatum about this friend before and it backfired, I refused to back down and it led to us breaking up for 2 days. The only reason he didn't back down was supposedly because his friend told him he'd be weak to give in.

Communication between us is getting better, it is just this one topic that we cannot communicate about at all. I try to tell him how I feel, I tell him I am hurt and upset and feel rejected. He takes that as a "guilt attack" as his friend calls it, he thinks I am only trying to control him by using my emotions to make him feel bad.

It is a lose-lose argument with him. If I am direct with him about the problem he feels I am attacking him, if I try to be more gentle about it I suddenly become manipulative. The only time I can ever get through to him about this friend is when he is annoyed at this friend specifically.

I just hope that perhaps with time this behaviour will decrease or something will happen between them to change things.