Do I Have Anything To Worry About?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over nine months, but we've known one another significantly longer. We are very open and honest with one another. When we come across issues, we talk about them together and have the capabilities to work them out together.

Well, I've always been the type to be nosy and kind of snoop. I know it sounds terrible, but I've dated a lot of guys in that past that I just could not trust, and I don't want to be put in that situation again. While I have no reason to believe that my guy is involved with another woman, curiosity got the best of me and I looked at his phone.

I came across some text messages from a girl named "Jen." It appears that they go to school together and all of the texts were about finals and stuff about studying for tests. So, nothing too juicy. But, even so, I cannot stop thinking about him texting her. I'm constantly worried that he's talking to her all the time, and so forth. I don't like that he's talking to another girl, but I have no reason to dislike it. He hasn't really done anything wrong. They're seemingly just friends. But, being the girl that I am, I cannot stop worrying about it.

I don't want to bring it up to him because I obviously had no reason to even look at his phone and he'd think I was ridiculous, which I agree I seemingly am being a little sensitive about the subject. I don't want to to get so bad that it's constantly on my mind, but I can't seem to let it go. I've even been having dreams that consist of him "chatting up" other women. It's driving me nuts! Help me clear my mind!
AmandaBee AmandaBee
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

It seems like you need to talk with someone to work through your trust issues. You say you and your boyfriend are very open and honest with each other. Then you should be honest about your fears. Hopefully he will have some patience with you. But you need to make an effort to trust him. This Jen girl sounds like just a friend. He's allowed to have female friends, right?

Assuming he's a decent guy and he really cares about you, it won't be the fear of being found out that keeps him from cheating. It's the fear of breaking your trust and the shame of looking you in the face after everything you devoted to each other. So the strongest weapon against cheating is giving him that trust. The more you put yourself out there for him, the more shameful the act of cheating would be. On the other hand, if you constantly get jealous at him and keep him on a short leash, he's gonna start to think, "What do I have to lose?"

Yeah, that all makes sense. And I don't really like him talking to other girls. But, that's really not fair at all. I want to feel complete trust in him, and he's never lied or done anything for me not to trust him. I just don't know what to do to help myself stop thinking about it. It's on my mind all day long. And he has been cheated on in the past, so he knows how much it hurts.
I want him to just bring up the fact that some girl is texting him. Just to appease my mind. If he brings it up, I'll know he's not trying to hide anything. But, not mentioning could just mean that there's nothing to mention. And I know it's not fair of me to assume anything is going on. And as I mentioned, I cannot bring it up to him, and even if I were to blanket my worries with something to the effect of "I'm worried about you and other girls," I would seem ridiculous. Because he's given me nothing to worry about! I just need to focus on the good things between us and try to get over my ridiculous thoughts.