The Truth Of My Heart Is Not Obtainable It Would Seem. I Am Hurting Us Both

Me and my boyfriend have been together for four years. We started in high school. He was and is now my best friend but recently things have felt so different for me. But lately I think of our future and if we are right together. Sometimes i wish we could take a brake, because the urge to explore and meet other people during my first year of college is so strong. I dont have any best friends and this effects my relationship. I've always felt like Ive been weak while he was always being strong and lifting me up. I've never truly felt whole because i dont have good friends so of course the only person I can talk to about it is him and I feel so frustrated sometimes because its so much to pour out to with one person. But he is so sweet and loving and never says a bad word about me no matter how much sadness I feel I need to express to him. This makes me feel frustrated sometimes that I have to be so damn worried and sad... about how life isn't going my way. How silly I can be sometimes :/

But recently I feel less attracted to him then before at the start of our relationship. It started around the time of our four year anniversary. I didn't get him a present for our anniversary because I just felt so detached and I had finals to study for. The whole night of our anniversary he was being so sweet and i felt so terrible and awful that i started crying. He got me so many nice presents and he said he didn't mind at all that I didn't give him anything but i still felt so uncomfortable with myself....i just want to love him like i did during the first years of our relationship.

I just feel so detached from him recently... His health habits annoy me, his goofy weird behavior is irritating, and I worry about his morals and if we would have children together how they would be affected. He is my first boyfriend and I just get so intimidated sometimes about our future. Sometimes I just feel like he needs to grow up and act more mature with his lifestyle...But then i realize I feel detached from him for such trivial reasons! Why have I let this effect my feelings towards him? We are going to counseling next year so I hope that we will be able to get through this. I want to be the person I know I can be, the best person I know is inside of me for him.

Has anyone else ever felt detached from their significant other? What did you do?
NagemD NagemD
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 16, 2012

yea it happens to everyone....sometimes you have to experience something else to realize that this person may be perfect for you or vice versa...

there may be a reason you feel that way,,,like wanting to explore other options and have some adventures before you ,,really committ 100%

I feel like that is part of it but there is always a risk....oh how complicated the human heart can be sometimes!

very true,,,,but we all have to sow our wild seeds,,,and explore others ,so we know what we have and compare