Queer Feelings As He Would Say

I love my boyfriend very much, we have been messing around for almost two years and as times passed, I have grown a large amount of feelings.. If I say I love you, he calls me queer, if I say babe too much then I dunno feels like he gets mad.. He doesn't like holding hands or kissing in public.. I know a lot of ppl would think I'm dumb to be with this one guy but I'm not with him for those things, he makes me happy in other ways.. Makes me laugh a lot and has helped me get through a lot of bullshit but now that we have been together all this time, he shows nothing emotionally to me and well it hurts.. You don't have to get me flowers although it would be nice, you don't have to buy me jewelry, you don't have to be a big romantic but would it seriously hurt him to say your beautiful or I miss you or I like you a lot .. This is why I question myself why am I so pathetic and when he gets upset he can be so cruel saying I am stupid or dumb.. I'm not perfect but don't have to say those things.. I know this relationship is not perfect but it means something to me.. This guy is just an *** in general so he says so I deal with it.. He's sarcastic, can be very playful,annoying and goofy not in a bad way but will be a dweeb and sing to u or dance for you and make u laugh so hard u pee yourself.. Those r the things I love but I'm starting to think its all not enough .. I feel like I need him to be more in touch with his feelings to me.. I don't know if I'm being selfish or what.. This guy can make me truly happy but sometimes I feel like he just wants to hurt me.. I feel stupid and dumb a lot around him cuz those r the words he uses the most with me!!! He tries and break up with me lots and it rly hurts but then he doesn't and I'm glad he doesn't but I just don't kno what to do anymore.. I don't want to lose him but what kind of person am I for begging him not to leave me
Tahbri Tahbri
26-30, F
Jan 8, 2013