Think My Husband Is Cheating On Me

My husband has always been a loving father and husband.  We have been married for 25 years.  My husband loves to go hunting and fishing with his nephew and friends every week-end that he can.  Well, on one of these week-ends, after returning from one of his hunting week-ends he was looking for his pen drive that he had misplaced.  So, I started going through his things and while looking into one of his hunting backpacks I was surprised and shocked to find a bunch of condoms. 
Now, there are only a few men who go hunting to the same lease.  I have always trusted him.  I never asked whereabouts the ranches were.   I knew more less that they were close to some city, but never the exact area.  I had a hysterectomy   a   few years back so we don't use condoms.

He was shocked when I confronted him and did not say a word.  He was angry because I went through his things.  He kept quiet for awhile and then just told me he did not know how they got there.   The next day, he told me that one of the guys must have been playing a joke on him and put the condoms in his backpack.  This was the excuse he gave me.  He told me he loved me and our kids and would never do anything to break our marriage.

I belived him and went on.   However as the months went by, I have noticed that the way he makes love to me has changed.
He carries his cell with him at all times, even when he goes to the bathroom.   He works for an electric power company so he works days and nights.

Sometimes he works late at night and I really can't prove anything, but inside of me, I know something is going on.  I feel as if I am going crazy with all my suspicions and don't know what to do!!!!
maria2care maria2care
56-60, F
3 Responses Jul 11, 2010

if you feel it, then it's happening. give him "the 30 second window" or thats what i call it ne way. just straight up tell him that he has 30 seconds to tell you anything that he wants to tell you with out a reaction from you. tell him it's a one time opportunity for him to disclose anything that could potentially damage your marriage that he has hid from you. after the 30 seconds is up if he hasnt disclosed nething to you, tell him you want to switch cell phones for a week. if he has nothing to hide it wont be a problem. tell him you are starting to question the trust in your relationship and want to make sure that it's just a phase in your relationship. if he discloses something in the 30 seconds, say thank you, respect his honesty and go from there. it's alot easier than stalking your husband until you find what u are looking for. goodluck

Your gut feelings are almost certainly right and he is almost certainly lying to you. Of course you have to deal with your marriage the way you are most comfortable, To me, betrayal and cheating are completely and totally unacceptable. I have told my wife that if she wants to have sexual partners outside of our marriage that she can, but only as long as she is always completely honest with me and the relationship do not adversely affect me in any way. However, I have also told her that if I ever find out she has betrayed me by cheating on me without being open and honest about it, that will be the last day of our marriage.<br />
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I infer that you hope to save your marriage. If that is correct, then you need to sit you husband down, tell him exactly how you feel and that he has one and only one chance to come clean with you. If he chooses to continue to lie and you learn later that he has done so, it will be too late and the marriage will be over. You also need to let him know that if he chooses to be honest, it will still be difficult to save the marriage and will take both of you, but you are willing to work on it.<br />
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You have to be careful here. What are you willing to put up with or accept to keep your marriage intact? You need to know that and if you make threats, you need to only make threats you are truly prepared to follow through on.<br />
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Successful and lasting marriage requires three things: Communications, Compromise, and Perseverance. You need to really communicate with each other honestly, openly, and completely so that you both understand what needs are not being met. What are each of your wants, needs, and fears. Chances are good that if he is cheating, it has little or nothing to do with you and has to do with him trying to reassure his manhood. Do not allow him to try putting all the "blame" on you because it is NEVER all one person's fault. At the same time you also need to be willing to accept your fair share of the blame and make reasonable compromises and accommodations to meet his needs.<br />
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This conversation is going to be a lot like a negotiation. Each of you need to air your concerns and complaints, your wants, needs, and fears, and each of you need to be willing to compromise. Compromise can mean meeting someone part way. For example, perhaps he "needs" sex at least three times a week, and you only want sex once a month. You might agree to once a week or every other week -- something that is acceptable to you both but probably not what either of you would choose. You can also exchange unrelated wants and needs. For example, you only want him to go on a hunting trip once a month. He wants sex more often. You agree to have sex more often in exchange for him staying home more often.<br />
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Finally, there are going to be issues about which neither of you can reach an acceptable compromise. In those cases, you need to be willing to persevere and sometimes live without getting what you want and vice versa<br />
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I wish you all the best. You may or may not be able to save your marriage, but no matter what, you deserve to live in an honest relationship without lies or betrayal. If you husband is unwilling to give you that, then take him to the cleaners in court.

Listen to your gut feelings ----- it will not stir you wrong...... listen for the answer it will get you thru - good luck and God Bless you and your family