Desperate Enough To Write My Story

Just don't know where to start ...
I have been married to my wife now for 9 years. Have four wonderful children which i can brag about. I have a job with good hours, leave home at 8 and back at home at 17:00. My wife is a stay at home wife.She wakes up around 10 in mornings, and help cleans house. She has a cleaning lady coming daily to help around the house. I also help when i get back from work normally only with food. Lucky me.

The problem is it seems we fight all the time. I will come home from work really happy to be coming home and spending some time with wife and kids,but somehow within 5 minutes of being home she will find something to fight about. Stupid thing is we fight about absolute nonsense things. After a bit of fighting she will say '' Just leave me, get on with your life''
''Why did you marry me?'' and similar things all saying either i or she must leave. I do not want to divorce, do actually still love her. I have never told her i want to leave her.

My mother is a good topic for her to discuss. Apparently she is the devil herself if i am not around; insulting her, teaching our children bad manners, even though we are there less than 1 day in a month, all bad things our children do is my Mothers fault. Lying swearing you name it my Mother taught them how to do it. Also according to my wife she never wanted us to get married and are trying to break us up. She visits her mother about three times a year for normally around 10 days at a time. My whole family are all evil ( except my Grandmother for some reason)

When i get home she wants me to spank one of the kids for something he or she has done during the day, which i do as i don't want to create a division by arguing about it in front of the kids. Just feels bad about having to do just after i get back home. She shouts and screams at kids for small infringements and then get mad at me for not chastising them sooner. I admit i am probably a bit too lax in discipline department. I do back her up when she disciplines the kids.

Funny enough our sex live is excellent, we still have sex almost daily, sometime i am actually the one which is tired. Quiet the reversal of roles i would say. Blessed in that department i am :)

Lately she has been accusing me of having had an affair with my best friends wife, while on the way to pick her up from her mother on one of her visits. Now we cant visit them anymore. That was now two years ago and i did not do anything with her! This always manages to work itself into the argument, i have no idea how to prove to her i did not do anything. I have never been unfaithful to my wife, haven't even been close.

Religion is also becoming a problem, we are both in Dutch reformed church, Problem she has started seeing, experiencing, or however you want to put it demons. Always when i am not around. First it was in my books, had over 100 scifi, fantasy books. I have since given it all away. Next was computer games, I have also deleted all games that bothers her. then souvenirs my parents have brought us from other countries, again we have gotten rid of all of it. Still waiting for next thing to come up.

I am a introvert and keep quiet about my feelings most of the time when we fight, don't know if it will help if i also start screaming or shouting at her. This actually feels weird typing all this and reading it actually does not sound so bad anymore. I am not good with words and don't know how to else to put it, but if someone got some advise please post it.
bigmouse101 bigmouse101
3 Responses Jan 9, 2013

How old is your youngest child? Could be post partum. She could also be experiencing a hormonal imbalance. Try talking to her. I wouldn't say something's wrong with you. I would say that you are worried about her. Then reassure her that you really want to make the marriage work. A lot of cases of depression and post partum go up diagnosed.

I so understand how you feel. You sound like a good man, but maybe she needs you to talk to her and don't back down. You just continue to keep your cool and if she starts yelling tell her to stop, and if she does not tell her you can not continue like that and when she settles down you will talk. Do try marriage counseling if she will go. As far as the affair with the best friends wife, I know when my husband started accusing me of having an affair it was him that was try to have the affair and I later caught him at it. I am not saying that is your case, but allowing her to control who your friends are if you did not have an affair is not right. It makes you look guilty. I wish you the best.

You mentioned you are an introvert and it seems to me that your wife is not. This basically means there's a personality difference which is causing the drift. Now, I don't wish to judge why your wife does not like anyone from your family, but there could be reasons which may or may not make sense to you and me. If you want this to work you will have to get past this, and what I meant by that is make your wife understand the same so she gets it too. And I am guessing you may not have been very vocal about what you think, not denying the fact that what your wife is doing is horribly wrong but let's look at the bigger picture here for the sake of your children You are the one who wrote your story so I am guessing you would like to help it too.I would suggest you need to talk to your wife, and I understand you might be thinking -'but it always turns into a fight'! I get that, but try a different approach this time. Take her out one day or to whatever she likes and start telling her about you nature, how you are incase she's been too busy to notice. For instance, you are not good with words and you have not been very vocal about your feelings coz she turns it into screaming and shouting which makes it very difficult for you to want to deal with her. This makes you give in and feel bad. Try telling her all this and see if there's a difference.I would also suggest marriage counselling if possible. Marriage is hard work and it takes two to tango. I wish you good luck! hope that helps!