I Am Having Suicidal Ideologies

I spent the better part of 25 years with one man.  Although the relationship was one of emotionional abuse, i loved him.  I eventually turned to self medication(cocaine) to ease the hours of pain.  I got sober for three years then relasped for a week.  He left me.  I am devaststed.  I want to be dead but can't muster the courage to finish the deed.  I feel like a complete failure in every aspect of my life.
markiemercer markiemercer
46-50, F
Aug 19, 2007