I am having trouble dealing with retirement.  We were married 39 years ago in the self indulgent '60's!!  When we were married my husband went to find a job that would "fulfill"  him.   That  took 3 years.   After that he did work full time for  about 11 years. Since then he has worked "part-time" for 11 years, fiull time for 7 & part-time 8 years.  . I grew up in the "Beaver Cleaver" generation & always thought that  I would have SOME time at home with my kids. WRONG!! If  I wanted the job--less the half hour drive- I had to take it then!! I took it --bottom line I have worked 27 years compared to his 24 &he did not even ask me if quitting was an option. He recently inherited a whole lot of money & is now retiring & I am feeling big time resentment!! I can't retire for at least 2 years & yet I have worked more than he has. Hope like heck nobody is in the same position I am  but if you are HOW  do you deal with the resentment??
He has always made more than me in spite of the difference  in hours so housework etc. was mine by default.  Want so much to change this now?  What are my chances?
San San
56-60, F
5 Responses Jul 13, 2007

I had a talk similar to this one with my dad when I was 10 years old. He told me life isn't fair. It's the truth, life isn't fair at all. He is now looking at retirement homes in Ottawa. This man worked his whole life to live in a home. It's the ultimate lesson to learn. Try to be happy with what you have.

I retired again in 2007 and became bored after a four year holiday. So I've gone back to school to learn another trade. While I was still teaching at a small junior college down-state, I joined Hospice Support Care and still do that. Nice group of folks, always helping anyone in need. Doesn't cost anything to go check it out and they have several different categories for volunteering.

Miss Little Bit, my dad retired seven years ago at age 63 and he keeps very busy. Some things cost money but one thing he does that's free is to volunteer as a poll worker. The city provides training for him. Just an idea! He loves it! There are plenty of other volunteer opportunities - or why not start a bridge club, or some other card game. Good luck!

My job left the state, I retired at 62 after hours of looking for the jobs that were not there due to age and whatever, then ran the un employment out. Two years later I developed a disability and am now DSS. That is okay and I am not unhappy with that. I could be worse off. What I am having problems with are the disconnection with others. My family tells me to be active, get out and enjoy life. Well OKAY, but the DSS is only enough to pay housrhold living, Besides where do you go without funds, and if you have funds what is there besides Bars? I love my children and grand children very much, they were my life for many years, I have always been there for them but it seems when I need them they don't need me. Oh I know they have obligations and I am glad but why do they seem to not need me unless it is to babysit etc. I would like someone to talk too and share the lonly hours, go a few places and enjoy the "Golden Years. What and how does and can that happen if you don't and can't affored to go any place?

Sounds like there is a lot of stuff going on for you around this single event of him retiring. I'm not sure if I'm clear on this but is your question at the end of your story about trying to get him to do the housework now that he's retired? I reckon if he's decided he has enough to retire and refuses to do the housework, get a cleaner :P I also think it's worth examining what your resentment is *really* about. If it's just that you never got to live the life you wanted, then I think it's wasted energy, and you'd be better off planning how you want to live you life when you *do* have the opportunity. You might be able to use the two remaining years of work to set up your ideal life. I've stopped work of late and that momentum that working gives you is really vital. Take advantage whilst it's still there, and you may well end up better off than him in the long run. Plus, women have a longer life expectancy!!