I Am My Mothers Mother

For as long as I can remember I have been my mothers Mother. I cant ever remember her stepping up to the plate and being an adult. I've had to support her and do the things for her a parent does for a child (Get her out of emotional trouble, give her money and be her sounding board). Yet once I asked her for support and all she said was "Go see a counsellor) That really hurt me. Also I only just recently discovered I have a 1/2 Brother thats older than me (The fact she had a child doesn't bother me it was just the fact that almost everyone else in my family knew expect me is what hurt) Her reasoning she thinks she remembers me saying when I was 16 something about Sole Parents getting what they deserve. (Not something I rememebr saying and the person I am today is NOT the person I could have been at 16.) Also the only reason she told me about my 1/2 brother was my sister and Grandmother told me and I really had to push Mum for her to tell me. I was so angry I could have cut her out of my life.

It's no wonder I have trouble trusting people. My main female role model wasnt up to the task.

I married someone just as emotionally unavailable. Had 2 awesome kids. Got divorced I just couldnt stand his destructive path he had chosen. Was a solo parent for several years. Met a wonderful man thats there for me in every way. (Yes he is emotionally available. You'd think that would put me on top of the world right? Wrong I'm still carrying my issues from my Mum. Is it possible for someone to let you down so much you never recover from it? Yet I still find myself even after all these years parenting her. Seems I never learn? (Or am I still hoping that one day she might step up?? hmm food for thought there)

Anyway thats enough soul cleansing for one session.


Lindy T

LindyT LindyT
36-40, F
Mar 28, 2007