Problems With Boyfriend's 20 Year Old Son
I met my boyfriend 3 years ago. He asked me and my 12 year old son to move in with him about a year into our relationship. My bf is everything that I have ever wanted in a man. I don't think I have ever loved someone as much as I love him. For the first year of our "co-habitation", everything was going great, blissful almost. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. Then in December of 2008, his 20 year old son asked if he could move in with us. He had been in trouble with the law and faced prison time if convicted. He had disappeared out of his dad's life for almost a year until he got in trouble. Since he is my bf's only son, how could he NOT let him come and live with us. For the first several months, it was ok. He helped out around the house alot. He didn't have a job, because of the upcoming criminal trial. Once the criminal proceedings were over (he only got probation) everything went downhill. He laid around the house, left messes everywhere, order $249 worth of pay-per-view. He then got a girlfriend and all of a sudden, she was hanging around the house all the time. She even moved a bunch of her clothes in without even asking my bf or me. She helped herself to food and MY stuff (shampoo, shoes, clothes,etc...) without asking. They were not discreet with their sexual activities as well, even when my 12 year old son was in the room next to them. (i.e. in the shower, on the sofa etc...) He really knows how to manipulate my bf as well. He uses the guilt my bf has for not "being there for him" when he was growing up. My bf and his son's mother were estranged when he was only 2. What he doesn't realize is the mother kept them apart and my bf NEVER missed a child support payment. For the last 9 months it just keeps getting worse. I am miserable. I go to the grocery store just to come home from work the next day to find the majority of food, GONE. (12 Dr. Pepper's in less then 12 hours and all the evidence is laying around his room - 12 empty Dr. Pepper cans). Then I find out that his girlfriend is now pregnant. I just can't stand it. When I mention my difficulties to my bf, he becomes very defensive and I feel like an outsider. Mind you, I pay my way here, probably more than half because my bf always is bailing out his son with money for gas (for MY car) that he lets his son use, cigarettes, party money etc... I have had enough! When I laid down all my issues with this to my bf (in a non-confrontation manner) he just shut down and said "What do you want me to do? I have a 1993 Blue Pontiac Sunbird which is in running condition and I gave it to my bf's son, he doesn't want it because it isn't cool enough. He wants to continue to drive my 2004 Honda Accord, which my bf doesn't understand why I have a problem with him taking the vehicle all the time.
I know my only options are to either accept it or move on. I hate the thought of moving on because I love my bf very much and accepting it sounds like I have to just deal with something that is making me miserable.
I am so confused as to what to do. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and either decision doesn't have a positive outcome.