Broken Heart--losing my best friend and our future

My wife and I had been discussing having kids for a while and we never really agreed on anything until recently. She wanted to adopt. I was more or less not into that or any kids but I started having a change of heart. She didn't want to be pregnant but she started having a change of heart around the same time as me. We decided to try to get pregnant--and we did!

I was soooo excited and so ready for this. I started studying up on what we would need in order to be ready for baby. I was doing everything right-even finding a great pre-natal certified massage therapist for my wife. After 4 weeks of planning this great new future, she tells me this is too hard and she's getting an abortion.

I dropped to my knees, crying. I am torn for I love my wife so dearly that I feel her fear and pain, but I was also excited about being a father. I tried to hug her and she pushed me off. She said that my enthusiasm was too much. She said I was too emotionally selfish and that she was going to be selfish now.

That was last week and she hasn't even spoken to me except to tell me she was seeing a doctor (I went with her trying to be supportive--this was just a check up appointment, though). The next time she said anything to me was to let me know she was staying at a hotel for an evening to finish up her school work (she's finishing her master's thesis) and to have some alone time because she "can't handle two babies". I'm pretty sure she's already done something to terminate the pregnancy as I have stumbled upon Internet searches related to a specific abortion inducing drug.

This isn't a political argument for me. It's a heartbreaking reality. I love my wife. I would've loved to have been a father. Now I feel like I've lost that future as well as my wife who has been my best friend--my only friend. She refuses to talk to me so here I am wondering just where to go and what to do. I feel so lost.
MysteryF MysteryF
31-35, M
Dec 1, 2012