The Kiss Of Solitude : Dedicated To R.a.s.d (my First And True Love)

I found this essay that i wrote few years before when i've broke up with my first and true love and this makes me feel sad..i can still remember the pain until now....it gives me the feeling of longingness to my first love....and it upsets me everytime i reminisce the memories we've shared together...to (r.a.s.d this one is for you....i hope you had already forgiven me)as I always say: My thoughts and heart belongs to you no matter what....

The "Melancholic Atlas" has visited me once more, things that I have done before has drawn back againts me, like a thunder that pierced the heaven. Never I had imagined that I will come this far...Yes, far farther from what I had dreamt of. Things that I planned in life, family that I wanted to have, home to lived in and a children to played with. Thoughts coming from my mind is hunting me and tearing me apart for the "what if" notion is running on and off within me. Even the slightest blow of wind upsets me each time it touches my skin, I have the fervor and longing to pull back the hands of time but I can't... instead it swayed more the fringes of time that deigns me.

Turmoils of the past never eluded me like the amalgamation and switching of two different bodies and soul that succumb me to halt my gasping. I know that this emotion will never come to its end for as long as I am breathing. The solitude and pain has become my companion to my own pilgrimage in facing life-Life that teases me to to take the eternal darkness. For no one in this world understands me. Not even the hands that holds me before, nor the limbs and cord that embraces me inside. The despondent visage that reflects in the realm of limp will never unveil. For the "light" that remains in my soul is now fading, like a leaf of a dead tree waiting to be swept away by the wind. I had given love but it never return, I had tried to embrace it and kept it in my fist but it runs out dry in my hands. For love is like a water which is free from running and spilling. I yearn and chase but fate and love has evaded me. I try and tried but in return it weakens me more and more for I came to discern now that destiny and faith is outlying in my hands.

Debris that shatter everywhere is hard to rummage for, Love turns bitter now for I know that I will never taste the sweetness of it, cause I know deep in my heart that my soul and my heart is no longer one. It was divided through despair wherein my physical body is living in reality and my soul is in an astral travel finding its way towards tranquility. If only death will lead the way to en route the reunion of our souls then let it be, let me embrace it dearly. For at last, we will be reunited and I will be able to taste the sweetness that lingers for a long time, and my forlorn journey will be over.
theladyfreak theladyfreak
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 5, 2012

Wow! Straight from the heart! What ever becasme of r.a.s.d.?

he is a seminarian/theologian before..he went out in the seminary just to be with me...we really love each other our relationship lasted almost 5 years...3 years long distance (back when he was inside the seminary) and 2 years after we went out and work in the outside world... i broke up with him because i felt that he doesnt love me that much, unlike before...i know this sounds foolish but indeed it was...he never like the idea of breaking up with me because he loves me...but knowing the fact that he loves me much i pushes him to his limit...immaturity and foolishness comes way until he let me go...i know i hurt him alot...i can see it in his eyes...even if we're 5years separated as bf and gf i can still feel the pain that i've inflicted on him...he gave up everything but i just put all the love and effort to trash...now i learned my lesson the hardest way...i hope i can still find the man that will love me for what i am...

I hope that for you too! xo

thank you....you did read my essay it's very long...you've got alot of patience huh..anway thanks for reading...have a nice day

If I commented on it, I read it! If I just rated it up, I may have started to reaD it, then had to leave it. I generally am patient, my lady! :-)

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