I Want You To Miss Me Like I'm Missing You

   It's been a year since my break up with my ex of four years. Within our four years of relationship, we had many obstacles but we always got through it together. However, I was going through a really rough time with my family the last four months of our relationship and I could tell it was affecting our relationship. I took things for granted with her because my family problem was more important at the time. She was always there for me, always lifting me up from my lowest times. My anger and sadness were taken out on her but she never once tried to put me down for them, only tried to make me happy. All my time and energy were being used to take care of my dying uncle (my dad died when I was young and my uncle became my father figure). I knew we were growing distant but she always tried to be there when I needed her.
   When my uncle died, she was there to support me. She did and said all the right things but I was at a low point of my life and that was when we decided to break up. I explained to her that I just needed time, I was losing myself and it was unfair for me to take all the anger, sadness, and grief out on her. Even though we broke up, we stayed in contact and she would tell me how she misses and still loves me. Months passed and she seemed to have lost some interest but would still let me know that she loves me and we still acted/talked like we were together most of the time. I tried to fix things by addressing the problems we were having (we would always discuss the problems in our relationship and find a way to fix it) but we would keep having the same problem over and over.
   After 7 months of the break up, I found out she has been dating and having sex with another guy. Was it wrong for me to assume that she was waiting for me that she still wanted me? Why would she keep leading me on? I felt so betrayed and angry but tried to face it as an adult that I am. The first few days after I learned about the guy, I was filled with anger. After a week, I experienced the desperate state and wanted to beg back for her. A month, I was starting to feel ok... Until she contacted me, flirting with me and telling me sweet memories about us. But this was only because she and her,now, boyfriend had a fight. I tried my best to not flirt back and told her that what she is doing is wrong. It was bitter sweet and I was back to where I started.
It's been months and I was doing well. My holidays were always special because of her. I guess it's just the holiday spirit thats reminding me of her everyday. I've been fighting the urge to check up on her and see how she is doing. I've been trying to date but I can't seem to develop feelings for others and I still think that she is the best I've ever had. If given the opportunity, I would still take her back as if nothing ever happened.
musichurts musichurts
22-25, M
3 Responses Dec 13, 2012

*hand in there man

Hunny, what you're going through is rough, no doubt. I feel for you, I really do, and I'll get to the why later. But you ask if it's wrong for you to have thought she'd wait for you....no it's not wrong but it wasn't thinking clearly. Yall were broken up. And even though you may feel like, ' how dare she go and find someone new' or ' how could she be with someone else'....I'll be the first to admit and girls will either agree with me or hate me: we haven't moved on, we wasn't someone else to make us forget about you....,
Second, of course she's been flirting with you. Nothing changed on yall's relationship but what was going on in. your life. So, she obviously wanted thinks to work out, but problems came up, emotions ran and yall pushed each other away. It wasn't like she had just had it with YOU, it was that what you were going through sher couldn't fix it and for months you let it affect the relationship and sher probably felt helpless in fixing it.....so of course when it wass over she tried to distract herself, of course she tried to contact you when that went bad...because deep down, she wanted you....

Now, don't get me wrong,.i could be a.complete ******* and be off 100% but I told you I'd get back to why I told you this...it's because I've done the EXACT same thing. And I try to move on, I say **** it and have fun dance meet people,.for **** sale I'm ob okcupid,.but something always brings me back to hin. Hand ib there man.

Thank you, your comment is very touching and sentimental. I feel as though you gave me the answers and reason behind her actions that I misunderstood. However, I can't help to be bit salty about it because as long as someone, her or anyone, tell me that she still loves or wants me, i can't help but hope for a never coming future (that she will come back). I appreciate your comment though! Very helpful! I, also, read your confession and it scared me for a moment because your comment here sounds as though you were my ex explaining and your confession is about your working with your ex (From last time I heard she works with her current bf, I think).

that's real love brother. I cant blame you for ur actions when your uncle died(rip) but thats wat love is. No matter who or what she is you love her. We are on the same boat. Through all her rights and wrongs good or bad..i dont see her any different just love her. but thats their loss too bro. keep moving forward. I'm trying to too