I Want You To Miss Me Like I'm Missing YouIt's been a year since my break up with my ex of four years. Within our four years of relationship, we had many obstacles but we always got through it together. However, I was going through a really rough time with my family the last four months of our relationship and I could tell it was affecting our relationship. I took things for granted with her because my family problem was more important at the time. She was always there for me, always lifting me up from my lowest times. My anger and sadness were taken out on her but she never once tried to put me down for them, only tried to make me happy. All my time and energy were being used to take care of my dying uncle (my dad died when I was young and my uncle became my father figure). I knew we were growing distant but she always tried to be there when I needed her.
When my uncle died, she was there to support me. She did and said all the right things but I was at a low point of my life and that was when we decided to break up. I explained to her that I just needed time, I was losing myself and it was unfair for me to take all the anger, sadness, and grief out on her. Even though we broke up, we stayed in contact and she would tell me how she misses and still loves me. Months passed and she seemed to have lost some interest but would still let me know that she loves me and we still acted/talked like we were together most of the time. I tried to fix things by addressing the problems we were having (we would always discuss the problems in our relationship and find a way to fix it) but we would keep having the same problem over and over.
After 7 months of the break up, I found out she has been dating and having sex with another guy. Was it wrong for me to assume that she was waiting for me that she still wanted me? Why would she keep leading me on? I felt so betrayed and angry but tried to face it as an adult that I am. The first few days after I learned about the guy, I was filled with anger. After a week, I experienced the desperate state and wanted to beg back for her. A month, I was starting to feel ok... Until she contacted me, flirting with me and telling me sweet memories about us. But this was only because she and her,now, boyfriend had a fight. I tried my best to not flirt back and told her that what she is doing is wrong. It was bitter sweet and I was back to where I started.
It's been months and I was doing well. My holidays were always special because of her. I guess it's just the holiday spirit thats reminding me of her everyday. I've been fighting the urge to check up on her and see how she is doing. I've been trying to date but I can't seem to develop feelings for others and I still think that she is the best I've ever had. If given the opportunity, I would still take her back as if nothing ever happened.
musichurts 22-25, M 3 Responses 0 Dec 13, 2012