Advice Would Be Helpful, Not Sure How To Recover From This

Very long story short I dated a guy who seemed completely into me and I into him, he said the I love you first and I soon followed, however he did not continue to say it very often. His actions however said it everyday, when I say I have never had a man treat me better I mean it, and I mean in every way. He proposed, I accepted, 3 days later he had an epic melt down. He was sobbing uncontrollably in my living room talking about all sorts of things, ranging from he might have to move back to his country (Columbia) because he has no idea what he's doing etc. He isn't sure how he feels about me, maybe he just like me as a friend or like a sister etc. I asked him if he's sexually attracted he says sometimes he's sooooo interested it's insane and other times not. By the end of like the 3 hour crazy he says he wants to stay together. I say we're going to take it one day at time. Later I decide to call him and end it because I think he needs space. He answers and starts crying again, add his accent in there and I couldn't understand a thing other than he doesn't know he feels. He can't ask me to wait a year, I deserve better and he can't be in a relationship etc. I say okay and wish him the best.
Obviously it's weird for a few weeks, then starts with the friends things etc. He keeps inviting me to family events, I turn him down because that's weird and seems like it's moving in a different direction. He doesn't let this go and sort of sets up an ambush. I go to the movies and end up with the entire family, spend new years even with all of them and his brother give him a thumbs up and nods to him in approvement while I'm helping with the kids. The family insists on taking pics of all of us together etc. He then orders Thai food, my favorite, for us for lunch the next day and asks if it makes me happy??? He then wants me to join with the family thing for his birthday which they end up not celebrating. So I do something for his birthday, I could tell he was hurt by his family but held it all in. He has a very difficult family situation which I think has caused a lot of the issues but who am I to know? At any rate there is a lot of touching as far as arms against one anothers, chest up against my back etc but never hand holding. We went to another party and the moment this other guy and I hit it off he comes over and puts his arm around me and pulls me in, but puts a pillow between his leg and mine so they're not touching. He said he'll always take care of me etc.
A few days later the guy I hit it off with sends me some messages on facebook but in Spanish, so does his best friend, his best friend called me guapa, I had no idea what this meant so I asked my ex without telling him who said it. He answered and when I saw him in person he wanted to know who called me guapa I said it was just in a message. He assumed it was the guy from the party, not his best friend.
Few days later he says I can use the Spanish I have learned to talk to guys at the Latin dance club???? I was like seriously? He knew I was offended and apologized. I accepted but things were weird. I finally confronted the whole thing and asked what his feelings were because he was sending mixed signals. He was like what mixed signals? I only listed the one at the party where he put his arms around me etc. He was like oh....(fyi even his friends thought we were together), he then says I guess hanging out everyday, lunches, movies, etc can be mixed signals, that he was sorry but he does not have romantic feelings, there is sooo much in his head right now, that he shouldn't be in a relationship at all. FYI I never mentioned being in a relationship, I just wanted clarification on what he was doing. So I said okay, so if all you have every felt for me was friendship you're one of the best actors I have ever seen. I don't know many "friends" who watch the other sleep (I woke up to him watching me sleep, he had stroked my hair and face, wrapped me in the blanket with him etc), but again what do I know?
My question is this, is he lying or can someone really do all that and it mean nothing?
I'm really confused, and while I don't want to be with him I just can't wrap my head around what happened. Biggest issue is I can't trust anyone now, I don't believe anyone anymore.
lostintranslation123 lostintranslation123
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 24, 2013

Leave well alone. His instability will emotionally destroy you..


Thank you :)

My instincts tell me he truly does love you and enjoys being with you - but he might also be gay. I've seen it before in men who wanted to appear masculine and try to convince themselves and/or others they are heterosexual. They really do want a relationship with a woman and they can even be quite possessive, but they totally fall to pieces when it comes to profound committment because they have conflicting feelings. If he's not gay, then he might just need to grow up. Either way, you need to move on and not allow him, or your own feelings, to manipulate the situation. Put your brain in charge and have a long talk with him at which time you break it off - completely. It's ok to be friends after some time has passed but it's virtually impossible to do when emotions are in control. In the meantime, be your own best friend and get on with your life.

you could be right, although the. sex was often and pretty intense. you. are right about moving on for sure.