Is the Pain Finally Over?
I think the pain has finally FINALLY passed. I feel as if....(I was trying to think of an appropriate analogy earlier) I've been "patched"... like I used to have this hole and now its scabbed over. I'm not "as good as new" though... I'm different then I was before. The hole will always be there no doubt, but hopefully it will stay closed. If I ever pick at it I'll just bleed all over the place....but I don't plan to. I don't plan to talk to her ever again either. It's wishful thinking at best and probably unlikely.
I'm not angry with her, but I don't want to be near her. I saw her today and I was suprised how I felt nothing. Of course my reflexes still took over and forced me to snap my head away from her direction. But I didn't feel anger, self-pity, self-loathing....no pain.
I feel like all of my feelings are a little numbed....its a good temporary solution my subconcious has created for me.
Nevertheless, this seems like a milestone.