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Is the Pain Finally Over?

I think the pain has finally FINALLY passed.  I feel as if....(I was trying to think of an appropriate analogy earlier) I've been "patched"... like I used to have this hole and now its scabbed over.  I'm not "as good as new" though... I'm different then I was before.  The hole will always be there no doubt, but hopefully it will stay closed.  If I ever pick at it I'll just bleed all over the place....but I don't plan to. I don't plan to talk to her ever again either.  It's wishful thinking at best and probably unlikely. 

I'm not angry with her,  but I don't want to be near  her.  I saw her today and I was suprised how I felt nothing.  Of course my reflexes still took over and forced me to snap my head away from her direction.  But I didn't feel anger, self-pity, self-loathing....no pain. 

I feel like all of my feelings are a little numbed....its a good temporary solution my subconcious has created for me.

Nevertheless, this seems like a milestone.

deadlove deadlove 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 3, 2009

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Every pain has its time to go away. You are starting to get used to it. Just never limit yourself. When you feel like going to some cafe you once go together, go there. Watch again the movie you had watched together. You don't have to be a superhuman. Without living the real pain, it won't finish. Good luck. Time and God love us all.