I have this problem where I try to see the good in every guy I come across. I also have this problem where I say I'm cool with anything. So if the guy I'm interested in wants to just have sex, I give it to him. I give it to him because I think I'm the one with the upper hand. Like I'm the one who's calling the shots because I want the same thing he wants. The whole no strings attached, just have sex thing. Well it never works out the way I want.

I always end up feeling more ashamed then anything. I tell myself over and over again that I'm going to stop giving myself up so easily. But it numbs the ever present pain in my chest.

Meaningless sex ignites my blood. It melts my frozen insides. It makes me feel human. Just for a little while it makes me feel human.

Then once it's over I begin to freeze once more.

It's a vicious cycle that I can't put an end to.
deleted deleted
26-30
5 Responses Aug 22, 2014

I used to kind of be like that. But weirdly enough that's all I thought I wanted. I used to have a dream of a family and love and well you know that fairy tale. The last guy I was with became more significant to me then I wanted. I just wanted to have fun and let go and just "have sex" and be young. Then he fell in love with me and he wasn't the greatest but I to always tried to see the best in men. I fell in love with him back, with his damaged heart when at first all I wanted was a fling.
Well right now I'm laying beside my beautiful 1 month old daughter. Her dad isn't with us. It's just me and her.
You don't have to listen to me but, save yourself. You might think oh well I'm not a virgin blah blah. Well so did I but looking at my little girl I want to give her the world and that starts by loving and appreciating myself which I wish I would have did before I had not that I wouldn't do it again but because she deserves the world and she deserves a man in her life that is going to love and respect her mom because that honestly will teach her a lot more in life than lots of things. So now in promise myself to wait for someone special. You're always going to feel the pain until you yourself does something about it.

try taking pleasure by not giving them what they want :P

Thats not cool

A person should never use you like that. If you're even in need of a chat, let me know

This is completely fine. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you

To clarify I mean you having the sex not then using you