Lost

I just turned 30, yet the feeling i have inside seems to stay the same.. i don't know if im just really lonely... Or i just don't know how to be happy at all. Seems like ive never felt hapiness all my life..even though im surrounded by good people..they of course leave in the end... But they were there because of this i feel like its the reason why i don't know wht i want to do in life... It sucks when u think five years from now... And dont see yourself as anything at all. i know ive been dependent with friends and that is why when they leave and live their own payh in life... It angers me and causes me to withdraw from people... Its like for once... Just once... I can meet a person who can just be a friend for good... That maybe can just be stable in my life... Just to have a reason to want to wake up everyday and maybe make things better from there on.... its hard waking up in the morning knowing that ur living just to live...