To Abort Or Not To Abort?
I am 25 years old and have two beautiful children. I was in an abusive relationship with their father for 7 years. Last year i finally found the strength to leave him. I started nursing school and got my own place. I was finally happy and independent. My kids were happy and adjusting well. Everything was on track and going according to plan. Then i met a guy. He was sweet and so polite. My kids loved him and we fell in love. we talked about getting married. We got a house together. Then we found out i was pregnant. He had always wanted a child so he was ecstatic. I have never wanted another child. i was happy with my two and how my life was going. I was devastated. I told myself everything happens for a reason and that we would make this work. that we could be happy and everything would be fine. and then it hit me. I had lost my independence. and i would never get to finish nursing school. how could i think i could go to classes and do 12hr clinicals and take care of a new baby and still pay attention to my older two? it would never work. I sat down with my guy and told him all of my concerns and that i was feeling that i really didnt want to be pregnant. i didnt want a baby and i couldnt handle the hormone changes. I was a mess. I was miserable. he said it would all be okay and he would help more around the house. about a week later after lots of thinking i got to feeling that i really didnt love him and that between our relationship and the pregnancy my life was ruined and headed down the wrong path. so i went home from work and bought him a bus ticket out of town and kicked him out of our house and out of my life. I told him I intended to have an abortion and that i didnt love him. He left. I was fine. In the week since he left, i was fine. no doubts about him or the abortion. i knew it would be hard but i knew i was doing the right thing for myself and my kids. then today it hit me. its scheduled for tomorrow. i am going to kill a baby that God put in me. I know its what i need to do but when i imagine actually going through with it i get so stressed and nervous. suddenly i am wondering if maybe i do love my guy and is just the hormones makeing me think otherwise. UGH, i need this but idk if i can do it. HELP is this normal pre-- jitters or am i wrong??