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To Abort Or Not To Abort?

I am 25 years old and have two beautiful children. I was in an abusive relationship with their father for 7 years. Last year i finally found the strength to leave him. I started nursing school and got my own place. I was finally happy and independent. My kids were happy and adjusting well. Everything was on track and going according to plan. Then i met a guy. He was sweet and so polite. My kids loved him and we fell in love. we talked about getting married. We got a house together. Then we found out i was pregnant. He had always wanted a child so he was ecstatic. I have never wanted another child. i was happy with my two and how my life was going. I was devastated. I told myself everything happens for a reason and that we would make this work. that we could be happy and everything would be fine. and then it hit me. I had lost my independence. and i would never get to finish nursing school. how could i think i could go to classes and do 12hr clinicals and take care of a new baby and still pay attention to my older two? it would never work. I sat down with my guy and told him all of my concerns and that i was feeling that i really didnt want to be pregnant. i didnt want a baby and i couldnt handle the hormone changes. I was a mess. I was miserable. he said it would all be okay and he would help more around the house. about a week later after lots of thinking i got to feeling that i really didnt love him and that between our relationship and the pregnancy my life was ruined and headed down the wrong path. so i went home from work and bought him a bus ticket out of town and kicked him out of our house and out of my life. I told him I intended to have an abortion and that i didnt love him. He left. I was fine. In the week since he left, i was fine. no doubts about him or the abortion. i knew it would be hard but i knew i was doing the right thing for myself and my kids. then today it hit me. its scheduled for tomorrow. i am going to kill a baby that God put in me. I know its what i need to do but when i imagine actually going through with it i get so stressed and nervous. suddenly i am wondering if maybe i do love my guy and is just the hormones makeing me think otherwise. UGH, i need this but idk if i can do it. HELP is this normal pre-- jitters or am i wrong??
memphistn memphistn 22-25 3 Responses Nov 27, 2011

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Look at your children and then think would you have killed them when they were still a fetus.<br />
People go for PHD's and still care for children.

Baby Girl, this is a question only you and God can relly deal with. ME? From the begining of the story it sound as if you knew what you are doing. You have 2 children now in this world, jobs are very hard to come by. I'm sure you want the very best for them. Children, no real job,, and a promise from another man? THINK!

You are obviously a very stong person to have had to make the decisions you have made at this age. No matter how many opinions you gather from other people, this is another decision that only you can make. Take some time to think it through. If you need more time, cancel the appointment and take the time that you need to decide.<br />
I went through college with three young children. It was hard. They were at daycare a lot but in the long run, I worked to make our lives better. I'm sure you can do this too.<br />
Either way, it is clear that you are thinking about your future, your two children, and what is best for your family. Just think it through, then you can be confident that whatever direction you decide to go with the appointment..you can say you did what you felt was right.