I Love My Children, Why Do They Hate Me>

I am truly desperate. I have an adorable daughter who is turning 35 shortly.  She has never liked me nor anything near love.  She was a wonderful baby and little girl.  I did all the motherly duties I thought? I will tell u more if u want to know.  Nothing I did was right and she told me as she was growing up 'I don't want you for my mother'.  My son was/is a problem child with disabilities galore.  I tried and tried getting no support from the school system  He got in trouble, we lived in a small town, went on drugs.  His father and I divorced after 25 yrs. of marriage.  My son was removed to a locked facility at 14.  This traumatized him and he will never forgive me.  I am very lonely and loveless.  I have very few friends cause I am usually unhappy. I have no money.  My Dad passed away, Mom is here but aging rapidly.  My brother is another story.  I am close to pulling the plug.  I have no money and no college degree.  The economy is killing me.  I try to smile but really......doom & gloom is not my style but the emptiness is too much to cope with.  My daughter has a baby about 4 yrs. ago.  Let alone I don't hardly know his name, I have never seen him.  She is a very bitchy person who has tendency to either not tell the truth or makes up stories.  She is very close with her fathers wife and she told me she is everything she could have wanted and nothing like me.  I long to be understood and am sooooooooo sad,

If some can help me whoosh I would appreciate it.......

positivethinker09 positivethinker09
56-60, F
2 Responses Oct 8, 2009

Hi,<br />
I can truly relate to your story,...the horrible but very sad truth is even when we do give love in abundance & unconditionally it does not always mean that we will be treated likewise.<br />
I am someone who has had to fight every step of the way for her children ( as well as with them for many different reasons).<br />
My middle daughter has turned-out much the same way as yours, she lies, smokes, steals & tells the most terible stories yey obviously i still love her even though she has moved-away from home & become someone who i do not know.<br />
I have a fourteen year-old son who has Aspergers-syndrome ( a form of autism) & an elder daughter who is almost twenty years of age & they have turned-out amazing so you see as parents we try & yyet it sometimes backfires.<br />
If you are looking for someone to talk to ( or if you are looking for a long-term friend), then please feel free to contact me & we can share experiences/stories.<br />
Take-care.

Hi Positivethinker,<br />
<br />
I feel your pain. I can understand the hurt and abandonment you feel. I too have undergone similar instances. <br />
<br />
The saddest thing in the world is when you remove children from an abusive situation and they later turn on you. I too, gave everything I could, sometimes working three jobs to support my kids on my own after leaving a horrid situation. Things went well for just about ten years. We were a tight close knit little family.<br />
<br />
Suddenly my 15 year old son got involved with drugs, alcohol and skipping school. In spite of begging and pleading with him to get up and go to classes so he could make something of himself, I got told to f off every morning and he would take off at will. The end came when he started attacking me when he got angry. I have come to understand that this is sometimes an adverse but normal reaction in children that have seen too much violence in their short lives. They cannot lash out at the parent that caused the voilence, so they lash out at the other one. My son moved out and lives with extended family. Because of his lies and manipulation we are estranged and no longer speak unless absolutely necessary. My son and I are in mediation as he has destroyed my home and property with is violent outbursts. My family has told me what a horrible mother I am and how I did wrong by the children. I know I couldn' t have done any better on my own, but they are convinced that he speaks the truth. So be it.<br />
My oldest one blames me for every wrong in her life and that will never change. She lives an hour away and cannot even bother to pick up the phone and call me once in a while without cussing and swearing and screaming at me. <br />
<br />
How very sad that we put all our efforts into our children and their needs and they kick us in the face at every opportunity.<br />
<br />
This has caused stress and frustration between my partner and I. He has never had children and doesn't have any idea about kids these days.<br />
<br />
I became disabled about 18 months ago and have been unable to work since that time. I receive no support from anyone other then my spouse.<br />
<br />
I know it's difficult at best. There are days that I sit and cry for hours on end. I wonder if it's ever going to get better. I know with Thanksgiving coming up I should be thankful for all the good things in my life, but I cannot help but wonder what happened to make my life have such horrible sudden turns and twists. It's very heartbreaking.<br />
<br />
If you would like to talk, you can email me here.<br />
<br />
I wish you the best day possible, even though it's harder and harder.<br />
<br />
Keep smiling, keep your chin up and know that you did all you could do to the best of your ability to raise your children and sometimes they just adopt a skewed view of the events that transpired. Perhaps one day they will realize how they have hurt you and be genuinely sorry for that. Until then, get through every day as best you can and know that there is someone out here that does understand. =)