So, Let Me Show You The Darkness Of My Life-because I Really Want To Live In The Light..

I have no more of an interesting story than many; but I find that navigating through my life has proven a bit difficult; especially during the Holidays. I am a "mixed" black woman in my late 30's. I start with that because; my family's make up is a critical back drop to my beginnings. It's not as typical as one would expect. My life started in a shroud of shadows which gave me the pathological ability to conceal parts of myself for most of my life. That's until I got the grand idea for psychotherapy and now... I feel like a naked banshee emotionally. So, I guess I should make use of those grossly - expensive hours and reveal myself!

My mother was an octoroon; for those who don't have the lovely "privilege" of being acquainted with the politics of the South; that means she mostly looked white; but had a relative-a grandmother-who was of African descent; but mixed with Irish as well. My father is a dark-skinned black man with dark blue eyes who was born and breed in the heart of the South.

Growing up in the 80's was delicious; I am not sure I have enough space in this post to relay all the "names" my sister and I were called growing up by everyone. However stressful our "playground" horror was; it would have been tolerable if my nuclear family was not in such a mess. My mother came from severe abuse; you name the form....she knew it and had to forcefully shake its hand. My father's abuse was not as physical; but none the less perverted. He was the darkest member of his family and treating as "the help". What these two tragic existences afforded was a: narcissist and sociopath, otherwise called, mommy and daddy.
Freedom020674 Freedom020674
36-40, F
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

in todays society ,you would have to agree,,a mixed child is the most most beautiful and revered,they are famous in politics,sports,professors and leaders of this country,,,I grew up in a neighborhood where I was one of the few white people there,,,and was picked on for it,,,today it very common to see white guys with black women,,and black guys with white women,,or other races mixing in,,,,the end result with be a tan race of very beautiful people,

What a lovely post rjschoch. I needed that today. I am so sorry for how you were treated growing up; but; believe me; I would not have treated you that way. Sad to say; I still struggle with thinking that I don't fit in at times. I fight it with all I have because my husband is German and we have 2 beautiful children.

you not only fit in ,but am sure your desired above others,,,you also have a heart and personality,,that is to be admired,,

Hi Freedom...
Your strength today is derived through your survival of an embittered past...shrouded by darkness, concealed by the shadows.
What I do, when abandoned and left for dead in the dark...? I find what I can, and build a fire...strong and bright. It gives me warmth and lights my path.
:-)

I love the part when you said "concealed by the shadows"; its that and not the full darkness that has frightened me. Its the illusions, and questioning. Thanks Ferrick67!

You are welcome...and may you find what you seek in your search...May you unfold like a delicate flower in the evening days of Spring...