Shameful

I am too scared to share this with anyone I know because I am ashamed. To start I had a boyfriend for almost 3 years. We broke up only 2 weeks ago. I have been doing fine - keeping my head up and having a good attitude, and generally feeling happy. It was for the most part a mutual understanding with no hard feelings. I still love him very much but we just knew that it was not going to work out in the end. I lost my virginity to him when I was 19 - I am not the kind of girl to sleep around or hook up randomly, and I generally try to avoid that kind of behavior and don't like it, but I shared that with him because I loved him. I am also a Christian and try to stay in that moral threshold.

However, last night I got drunk with my two best guy friends. It was ridiculous, we played some ***** card game and I ended up showing them basically my entire naked body and running around in my underwear the whole night. Its laughable and stupid now but it was fun at the time. As if that was not bad enough, one of them left a little early and I ended up sleeping with the other one that stayed.

I feel terrible. Not only is this guy kindof a jerk, but I am so ashamed that I allowed it to go this far because I hate this kind of thing. It also breaks my heart because I know it would crush my ex....barely 2 weeks ago we ended an almost 3 year relationship, and I end up sleeping with this guy that he really didn't like. I know he will never find out but it's still knowing how bad it would hurt him that kills me. If it was the other way around I would be so hurt that he slept with someone that soon, especially someone I don't like. To put it bluntly I feel like a total ****. I feel trashy and dirty and there is nothing I can do to undo it. Sex is something that is supposed to mean so much in my opinion and I just threw all my morals out the window last night. I hate this feelings so much.
mayflyer mayflyer
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 1, 2012

I know you feel sex is something special. I feel just that way. Ask God to forgive you.I can really feel how you hurt. maybe you can talk bout this with me. I'm an emotional man. I feel your feelings about this. It was a mistake. You can learn from this. Please come to me as a friend. We can write to each other. DominantFriendlyDON