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I Have To Be

It would be great if I could share my name and show my face here. But, I'm from a very small town where everyone knows everybody's business. Gossip runs rampant and people thrive on judging and ostracizing others. My children's father has coached my son's sports teams for the last 5 years and is very well known around town. There is a certain reputation to live up to. I was also raised in a Christian home and was constantly taught that premarital sex was wrong, any type of homosexuality is a sin, Halloween is the devil's holiday, etc., etc. My parents love all of their children (there are 6 of us), but I've always been the "good" girl, the responsible and dependable child. I'm the predictable one, the one with a good head on her shoulders, etc. So, as sad as it is, if people who knew me knew ALL of me, there would certainly be talk. My boyfriend's social status would be damaged, and my son would also be negatively effected. My family would also never see me in the same way. I have little brothers and would die if they knew about my experience with other girls. My parents would NOT understand and I would be tarnished in their eyes. So, as much as I'd like to share my real identity, I can not. But, know this, I am more honest here about who I am, than I have ever been in reality.
LG76 LG76 36-40, F 20 Responses Oct 27, 2011

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seems to me you and i are in same boat actually, friends would never understand this side about me lol, if certain people KNEW i was here doing these things well you know, anyways i would love to be added by you if you do not mind, oh if you are curious about what i have said you may ask me in a message , as long as we are not in area close to each other,haha

Isn't religion a wonderful thing?

It prevents us from being who we really are.

Now... where are my Rosary Beads?

I love that you are still who you want to be despite everyone else and their beliefs. Very cool.

Time to go on a road trip

Good to see a woman with zero hangups :) My former 80 year old neighbor when I was growing up had the same idea about Halloween that it's the "devil spawn" holiday lol Ironically, she ended up in our backyard in her panties and bra one night at 1am. Talk about creepy. Thanks for sharing your story!

LOL...what? Wow, that would be creepy. Poor you! :)

Yea....and I was like 9 or 10 years old so it was double creepy lol So I re-read your story - you have a bf and a husband is that correct?

LOL. I wish! Seriously though, no...I have been with my bf for almost 17 years so sometimes just referring to him as bf doesn't exactly express the true nature of our relationship. Many people we know just assume we're married and we don't correct them...too awkward, lol. Plus we'll often introduce ourselves as a married couple...just easier. :)

Very cool LG! Too often people think that marriage is the next step, but it's not the next step for many so thanks for bucking the trend and the clarification lol

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I don't understand why some poeple think that Halloween is about the devil....

beats me...I never understood that either. My kids and I LOVE Halloween and I would never even think of telling them it was an evil holiday not to be celebrated... just crazy! LOL thankfully my mom has toned it way down in her later years :)

Me too, for kids its all about candy. From what I know Halloween started in the church and it was for all souls day, to pray for the loved ones that have already passed. I dont know where the devil came form..

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just be ourselves ..... perhaps future generations may ............

Well stated. You are the Real Deal, LG, and that's one of the things that makes you so special!

This story made me think that I had premarital sex with the Love Of My Life whom I met at a Halloween party :)

not sure how that relates here, but thank you for reading and commenting :)

It was just to tell you that if I were raised in a very Christian home I would need to hide a lot from them :)

ah...I see, lol. And I was always taught that sex is strictly for marriage, but I think, for most people, that is an unrealistic expectation today. I'm one of six kids and despite the fact we were all raised as Christians, we all lost our virginity in our teens... I will try to instill Christian values in my boys as well, but I will also teach them about sexuality and protection. Some may say that is only condoning pre-marital sex, but I think it's more irresponsible for a parent to not give their children the tools and education they need to keep themselves safe from STD's and unwanted pregnancies.

It's more responsible to give children a way to think well with their heads than giving them strict rules they don't understand or accept.

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yeah, I lived in a small town in Nebraska and I had a woman stalking me for a year. No kidding. I wanted to go to the Judge and get a restraining order. But when I learned I could not do it privately and would have to stand up in public in a courtroom and explain my business to everyone, I declined and just dealt with it. It's tough in a small town.

yikes..... sorry that happened to you :(

All hide their true selves in this world.....small town or big city. No one is totally honest, as much as they might think they are. Being anonymous may allow you to be more open, but there are still secrets you will never share, even here. Nothing wrong with that, just remember those you talk to here may or may not be being honest back to you. Anonymity is a two-edged sword!!

I wish my relationship at least with my immediate family were such that I could be completely open. Unfortunately trying to be forthright even about simple little things seems to cause so many arguments, I've just stopped trying.

I think everyone being completely honest and open is a nice thought....but realistically, I'm not sure I'd want to share everything about myself even if I could...Nor do I think I'd want to know every secret my family members have either.....what a scary thought! :O lol

I agree with tryit55 on this.

I agree with LG76, the EP world is a LOT different than what I project in my everyday world. I can really express myself here where as in the real world the looks, shunning and family backlash would not be worth it. Here I can be who I want to be without being judged. Here if you don't like someone just block them. In wish it were that easy in the real world.

lol....wouldn't a "block" button for real life be great!?

I'm there with you. I love that EP allows me to express my naughty side and if I want to get to know someone better, I have that option. However for the masses, my identity must be confidential. My family and friends would not be happy to know about all that I've documented here. It's our secret, OK?

definitely our secret, lol.

Its a shame you have to be anonymous. Sounds like it would be a Salem's witch trial in your town.

I also live in a small community. The only reason we have a zip code is because somehow, they managed to get a post office. I. too, have a Facebook account but hardly ever visit it anymore. I completely understand everything that has been said, people in small areas are just too damn nosy. I have a next door neighbor that I wish would learn to mind her own business, but you know how that is! I did tell her what I thought on Facebook about a month ago, that felt good, been coming for years.

I don't do facebook. What will they find? A middle aged liberal guy who loves cooking, women and being naked. That is why I like EP. I can be me.

lol, Your comment made me laugh! My fb is to mainly keep in touch with friends and family. I really hate talking on the phone and if I need to communicate or share pics, it's great. I have a huge family and we all "talk" thru fb...b-day party invites, family get-togethers, etc.

i totally understand. i would'nt be posting any of my stories on FB, i actually dont get on FB at all

lol, my facebook and my account here are two separate worlds. Just the thought of sharing a story on facebook...OH MY :O

Yes the reality or our lives can be very sad indeed. At least here our honest true selves can shine. <br />
Like you for various reasons I could or never would share my true identity.

Thanks. It's sad when you feel more like yourself online than you do in your reality.

It really is ashame that we can't really be who we are to others for fear of what would happen to our families and ourselves.<br />
And it is usually the ones that would torment us the most, be the ones that have the most to hide!!<br />
Trust me as a crossdresser I relate to you, for if I was ever found out I don't know what I would do??<br />
That's why I come to EP as well, here I can be myself and choose my friends and if I don't like someones comments they're gone...simple & easy!!

I agree, lol. I'm sure there are others like me in my town, but NO ONE talks about it. I would love to know what goes on behind closed doors here. :)