My Life Is A Lie!

At birth...I weighed 3lb some odd ounces...no detectable heartbeat...thought to be dead. My birth record reflects my name as being ...'a daughter"...and I was born unwanted by both parents after being carried for 6 mos then living in a glass box for two and a half more... I am the product of an affair on my mothers behalf. I would grow to be trained thinking I am a bad person...mentally slow...with big lips...ect... My mother made fun of me alot. My 'dad" never had anything to do with me but I got to watch him with my big sister. I got to see her be loved. I got to see her have a dad...
They finally seperated and then the real stuff started...there was nobody to save me...
I haven't even brushed the surface of my story...the abuse I endured during my childhood would surely make you sick to know. We as children ...only know what is programmed into us...I was programmed by someone with a mental illness. My mother never had anything good to say about me to others so they would see me in a bad light...hence....I will never have anyone....She knew what she was doing to me and at times would invite her little brother to join in. He used to come on the weekends and they would move the furniture back from the living room floor and have me fight my big sister until I was bloody. She would get her dog after me telling me to stand still and if I didnt move while the dog jumped and ripped my clothes off...I wouldn't get bit or have teeth marks on me...
It's like there is a black cloud over my head following me through the years of my life. Anything that makes me happy is taken away somehow.

(to be cont'd)
injunwmn injunwmn
46-50, F
Nov 28, 2012